Let It Be -Beatles

My Aunty Carmen

My Aunty Carmen passed away early April 2017. She was my father's elder sister and my mother's dear friend. She was "Nan" who opened her heart to our children as if they were her grandchildren ( she had 16 of her own AND 14 great grand children). After my mum passed away she took mum’s place in my life even though I saw her only once or twice a year.

We honoured her life on a beautiful sunny cloudless Sunday, facing the ocean she loved. We gathered there, her 5 children and their spouses, some grandchildren, 2 great grandchildren and us- nephew, niece n nephew-in-law. We spoke of her and swapped memories but it's not possible, in four or five hours, to speak of a life that was lived to the fullest for 93 years.

Aunty Carmen was an amazing woman who defeated cancer more than once. Fiercely independent, she lived on her own after Uncle Sandy passed away in the 1990s, until she went into hospital 2 weeks ago. How she loved her family yet wisely, lovingly, gave them their space, not imposing upon them yet always ready to agree to their plans and invitations.

I loved hearing her laugh- genuine and always full of delight. I loved her childlike (NOT 'childish') appreciation of and thankfulness for the tiniest blessing . Abseiling in her 70s and hot-air ballooning in her 80s, she travelled again from Perth WA to Singapore in her 90s surprising her daughters with her unstoppable energy. That's just who she was - always positive, always forward-looking.

I think the devil tried one last time to break her spirit, giving her so much pain suddenly in the last 2 weeks. All it did instead was to give her the chance to show once more her strength and fortitude. She didn't fear death. She made her decisions about what to come and conveyed this to all her children. Painful? It must have been painful for her children but I believe she did that with wisdom and definitely out her love for them, seeking to free them from uncertainty and giving them space to unite to grieve, yes when the time came, and then to celebrate her life, her love and her legacy.

I couldn't understand at first why it was hard to write a " goodbye" post for Aunty Carmen on Facebook. Now I know- it's because it wasn’t "goodbye". ... . she lives on in our hearts and lives.

I asked her once how she kept her cheerfulness and equanimity. She said, " If I can't do anything about it, I just don't let it bother me, see?" She just “Let It Be” and, I imagine, held to her God-given peace.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Yes Aunty Carmen, I see. And yes, I'll do that too. 

Say to the mountain Part 2

Continued from Say to the mountain part 1

This is what Holy Spirit taught me to do:

1. Pray for grace to keep my eyes on Jesus so the wind and waves won’t overwhelm me. We need God to help us keep our faith.

2. Declare God’s promises out loud daily as Romans 10:17 says that “faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God”. Verbal repetition of the Word of God reinforces His promises in and over our lives.

3. Praise and worship. In every aspect of daily life, I’d sing- out loud, under my breath or in my heart. Anything that gave glory to God from Haleluyah  (12 times ) to Leave it in the Hands of the Lord and everything in between.

4. Make conscious and constant efforts to surrender healing to God- how, to what degree and in what manner and when healing was to happen to me. This was hard- I had lots of suggestions to make to God on all those points🤣🤣

Being in a Pentecostal church for nearly 17 years I have learnt to praise and worship to a whole new level and it is second nature now to me. 

5. Finally pray in tongues. Romans 8:26 says in essence that the Holy Spirit helps us to pray when we don’t know what to pray. Book of Jude 1:20says we are to build ourselves up in our faith (by) praying in the Holy Ghost

Personally I found strength, joy, strengthened faith and peace when praying in tongues. When I learnt about the diagnosis I thought I would be walking in the valley of the shadow of death. I learnt that “death” was not the enemy. “Intimidation” was the main enemy. Intimidation tried to force me to worry and worry is unbelief, the opposite of faith. Many times i found myself like the father of the demon possessed boy saying “I DO believe. Help my unbelief”(Mark 9:23-24) 

Do I believe God is able to heal me? Yes. 

Does the devil try to shake that?  All the time.   

Can I beat the devil?  Absolutely! I declare that I put on the full armour of God (Ephesians 6:11) against the devil’s weapon which is “wiles” or deceit/tricks. I had to constantly remind myself of the truth in His Word. 

Say to the mountain part 1

Say to the mountain Part 1

A dear friend also facing down cancer wondered how people without God got through journeys like ours.

I just thought to share this about one aspect of my approach to prayer in specific matters while i faced cancer and the whole course of treatment 

Matt 21:21 is often quoted

“Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.”

And so I did, as soon as the diagnosis was given,  “ say to the mountain called cancer to be gone. “ But then Holy Spirit gave me a different perspective. Another way to “move the mountain” is to break it down and this is also biblical. 

I was reminded that Jesus used different ways when He healed people. For example with one blind man he spat on ground, made mud with the spittle and placed the mud on the man’s eyes then told him to go wash in the pool of Siloam. (John 9:6) With another, Bartimeous of Jerico, He simply spoke and healing occurred. ( Mark 10:46-52) I realised that my healing might be by way of breaking down the mountain. 

Isaiah 41:15-16 says

“See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth.

You will thresh the mountains and crush them,

 and reduce the hills to chaff.

16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up,

 and a gale will blow them away.

But you will rejoice in the Lord and glory in the Holy One of Israel.”

God makes us a threshing sledge. In those days a threshing sledge was a contraption that had rocks fixed to its underside. The people hauled the sledges over the fields at harvest time n the sledge crushed the grain, allowing the chaff to be separated from the grain. Then the chaff would be blown away. 

I understood that when ( not if) God makes me into a new “threshing sledge” He would enable me to crush the “mountain”.  His promise is that I WOULD crush the mountain. No ifs or maybes. There would have to be effort and persistence and unwavering faith in His Word on my part. 

Continued in the next post

I can see clearly now the rain is gone Part 2

Continued from part 1

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Songwriters: Johnny Nash

I Can See Clearly Now lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

https://youtu.be/FscIgtDJFXg

“Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind”. Doubt, fear and worry, stirred by intimidation into dark billowing clouds, blind us to the light of God’s power and mercy and steadfast love for us. I learnt that I needed to just stop and wait quietly. The dust settles, the haze dissipates before the breath of the Spirit, the rain stops. Then first you see the rainbow. Hope revives and when the rain stops, as it surely will, you know it’s gonna be a bright , bright sunshiny day.

For all who face the unknown I pray peace until the clouds go. 

I can see clearly now the rain has gone Part 1

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies.........

Songwriters: Johnny Nash

https://youtu.be/FscIgtDJFXg

Just after the diagnosis, when only my husband, children and brother knew, I went through an “Even If” period (yes it was a period, it wasn’t just a moment). I confess it wasn’t a brave declaration. It was more a trembling whimper... even if it is not part of Your plan to heal me please don’t let me embarrass You!! Am I brave? Nope! I’m as much of a wimp as the next person. Did I worry about pain, disfigurement, nausea and losing my hair ? Oh yes... especially the losing the hair bit. I needed His grace to take several deep breaths. Then I could see clearly. I’ve shared with many people that the devil works in the noise and confusion of doubts and fears but if we would only slow down, even stop and wait for the wind and dust and noise to stop swirling around us we would hear His voice. Really.

What obstacles did I have to face? The cancer ? Oh ya, major obstacle that. Side effects? Yes but the greatest obstacle to peace of mind and solid faith was fear of the unknown. It was a new path that I had to walk myself. Family and friends cheered me on from the starting point but I, like Bilbo Baggins, had to walk by myself there and back again. It amused me to think of myself facing down trolls, spiders (eeee), orcs, wargs even Smaug but there were times when God sent eagles to lift me away from the danger of losing hope. Prayers and steadfast loving support from family and a few faithful friends who walked with me and stayed within hailing distance ( read : daily WhatsApp encouragement) were my eagles. 

Continued in next post

Cancer Conqueror not just survivor

Mark 9:23-24New King James Version (NKJV)

23 Jesus said to him, “If[a] you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

So often we refer to people as having either “survived” or “ succumbed to” cancer. I am old enough to remember a time when a diagnosis of cancer was a death sentence. The accepted belief then was that if you had cancer then you would die soon and painfully. I saw that happen with my grandfather and a cousin in the late 60s then with Mum in the early 1990s. I am blessed that by the time I received the diagnosis of cancer I had a new understanding of and relationship with the Almighty God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

God, in His infinite love and mercy, called me to His side again and gave me the grace to grow to know and love Him more deeply. He taught me to keep my eyes on Him especially when the winds howled and the waves crashed. That’s really hard and I had many hard and painful “tutorials” where the struggles to hold on to the truths in the Word of God were like knife fights in a dark alley. I knew that if I allowed myself to let go of His Hand I would be swamped by unrelenting attacks undermining my faith. Just as Heaven and Hell are real, so too is our daily struggle against the spirit of unbelief. 

He taught me the meaning of being a “worshipper in Spirit and in Truth”. It took me years and He gently and patiently led me, put me with people who worshipped in Spirit from whom I learnt so much and with others who showed me how to love His Word. I read recently a comment which I paraphrase here. It went something like “You don’t know Jesus Christ if you don’t long to seek Him more everyday “.  Daily I ask for His mercy to help me love Him more. Daily, I am embarrassed to admit, I have to plead as did the father of the demon-possessed boy in Matt 9:23-24 “Lord I believe; help my unbelief”, acknowledging honestly that without God it is impossible for me to sustain my faith. He sustains my faith; He is my shield; He fights my battles.

By the grace of God I am not a just cancer survivor. I am a cancer conqueror because the battle does not belong to me but to the Lord (2 Chronicles 20:15)

I touched the face of God

High Flight by John Gillespie Magee Jr. 1941

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ing there
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space
Put out my hand and touched the face of God

John Gillespie Magee Jr was a 19 year old fighter pilot. He wrote this and mailed it to his father in the United States. Three months later, on 11 December 1941, he was killed in a mid-air collision over England. This is one of aviation’s most famous and probably most quoted poems.

Mum passed away in September 1994 and my brother Colin (who lives and breathes aviation) chose the words to be inscribed on her memorial. It reads
“I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and touched the face of God”

I loved those words. I knew they were from a poem but I hadn’t read the whole poem and didn’t know the background of the poet or the circumstances under which he wrote it. At that time, having watched Mum physically waste away and shrink with the pain that was her daily companion from the surgery in March 1994 to the day of her passing I rejoiced tearfully that she had finally slipped the surly bonds of earth believing that she had surely touched the face of God.

Today as I read the whole poem it seems to me that it applies to Mum in her life as much as it reflected the freedom , the exhilaration, the pure, unadulterated and beautiful immensity of the skies experienced by the young pilot who felt that he could touch the face of God.

Mum wasn’t a pilot. She was quiet, shy to the point of being described as retiring, very private and slow to warm up to new people. She was generous and had a wicked sense of humour which she shared with Dad and Colin and me. She could giggle like a schoolgirl until the cancer robbed her of that. Yet I’ve known, without actually thinking about it, that Mum had a hidden facet. She loved reading, was ever ready to travel and had a deep, deep appreciation of the wonders of creation. Little wonder that her favourite countries were Switzerland with majestic Alps and Hawaii with swaying palms and clear waters.

Mum was a reader. She didn’t have many books but there was always one near her pillow. She subscribed to Reader’s Digest and the (UK) Women’s Weekly. She had issues dating back to the 1950s. She probably re-read them repeatedly and let her imagination take her where the constraints of  finance and culture would not. A free spirit that within her whirled and swirled and soared so that when the time came she did not hesitate to put out her hand and touch the face of God.