I've been saying to several friends that I feel so good I have to consciously remind myself that there may possibly be " an enemy within"
It's ironic, I think, that the type of cancer I have feeds off estrogen, the hormone that makes a woman of me. I've said before that I enjoy being a woman. I've never minded having menstruation except when it meant sitting out swimming lessons. I've been blessed with not having to suffer cramps or bloating. So now that I have menopaused it seems my body decided to plan a coup. Rogue cells seek out and apparently devour with consummate glee the estrogen hormones that are just doing their bounden duty.
What is it that has caused part of me to rebel against the rest of me? I am attacked not by some random airborne virus, nor by bacteria introduced by neglect of an open wound however innocuous nor yet by the failure of an organ through unwise dietary habits. I am attacked by ME!! The very essence of what makes me Me!
That is most annoying. I have been blessed with good health and have taken the trouble to (mostly) eat wisely and with restraint and to exercise ( not as much as I would have liked, it's true but I'm not a couch potato). To find that the devil has to resort to inciting rebellion is both exasperating and yet amusing.
I've said before that I think cancer is like a terrorist and that's a good description. They used to be called "guerrillas" or "insurgents" or just plain "rebels" but those terms referred to people who fought for (their idea of) freedom or a better, more just society. They had a cause and undeclared terms of engagement. They appeared ruthless then but a certain code of honour however rough was evident.
Terrorists don't have a code of honour. Everyone and everything is fair game. Purpose? To bring life as we know it to a standstill. To use fear and intimidation to cause a change of lifestyle. To cause confusion and distraction so that goals and targets are missed and eventually lives destroyed not just through the destruction of the body but of hope and joy and peace.
Well I've got news for you cancer... It ain't gonna work on me!
( why does that John Wayne type of response sound more effective than a cool James Bond eyebrow twitch?) maybe cos it can be uttered with a swagger and that's how I feel right now... Like swaggering .
Let me be clear on this. I do not fear cancer nor do I fear the devil but I do respect their craftiness cos they've been around a lot longer than I have. So having fastened ( properly, I hope) the full Armour of God I go into battle fully expecting victory because the battle belongs to the Lord. I have to be wise and stay out of the crossfire.
Friday 25 August 2017
Tuesday 22 August 2017
When Tomorrow Comes Tomorrow
When tomorrow comes tomorrow
And today is yesterday
And this hour is just a place in history
When goodnight becomes good morning
There'll be such a lot to say
So when tomorrow comes tomorrow
Come to me
The Family Dogg. 1969
it's a sweetly haunting melody. Before cassettes, walkman and iPods you needed to try to memorise the words of any song you liked when it aired on radio. This meant that you didn't always memorise the whole song- only the parts that made an impression.
I didn't think too much about " tomorrow" or " history" when I was 13 years old but this song has re-surfaced in my memory in the last month. I wonder if, as one passes the 60 year milestone, one pays more attention to the present, the immediate. It's useless to try to hold on to moments- they are fleeting. I'm learning to enjoy moments... Not great chunks of time like a week or a day or even an hour but moments. I've given up trying to capture moments. Every moment IS a Kodak moment, worthy of being archived, depending on our perspective. And I've learnt that I can make my Kodak moments. I just remember (and sometimes remembering this takes an effort) that a sovereign almighty and totally loving God has already planned every moment of my life. So I pay attention to moments. I pay attention to nuances and glances and sighs and smiles and chuckles. I archive them so I can re-live them and savour the sweetness again.
I am also relearning to deliberately S L O W down. Wanna join me? Don't wait for a health issue to force you to do this. Have a great SLOW day ahead😋
And today is yesterday
And this hour is just a place in history
When goodnight becomes good morning
There'll be such a lot to say
So when tomorrow comes tomorrow
Come to me
The Family Dogg. 1969
it's a sweetly haunting melody. Before cassettes, walkman and iPods you needed to try to memorise the words of any song you liked when it aired on radio. This meant that you didn't always memorise the whole song- only the parts that made an impression.
I didn't think too much about " tomorrow" or " history" when I was 13 years old but this song has re-surfaced in my memory in the last month. I wonder if, as one passes the 60 year milestone, one pays more attention to the present, the immediate. It's useless to try to hold on to moments- they are fleeting. I'm learning to enjoy moments... Not great chunks of time like a week or a day or even an hour but moments. I've given up trying to capture moments. Every moment IS a Kodak moment, worthy of being archived, depending on our perspective. And I've learnt that I can make my Kodak moments. I just remember (and sometimes remembering this takes an effort) that a sovereign almighty and totally loving God has already planned every moment of my life. So I pay attention to moments. I pay attention to nuances and glances and sighs and smiles and chuckles. I archive them so I can re-live them and savour the sweetness again.
I am also relearning to deliberately S L O W down. Wanna join me? Don't wait for a health issue to force you to do this. Have a great SLOW day ahead😋
Thursday 3 August 2017
Yummy yummy yummy
One of my teachers in the old Town Convent (Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus, Victoria Street) once said that during the War her family ate sweet potatoes all the time so she absolutely refused to eat that once the war was over and alternatives became available.
On the other hand, both Dad and Mum loved sweet potatoes BECAUSE that was all they had to eat. Totally opposite perspectives.
Since suspecting that there might be a problem when I received a letter from SingHealth in late May 2017 asking me to go for a repeat mammogram and " further investigations", I tweaked my diet. I stopped sugar-as far as I could that is- and increased my fruit and vegetable intake. Having sort-of been on a Paleo diet since 1 Jan 2016, the transition wasn't too difficult.
On 21 June 2017 I was told that the tests had uncovered 2 lumps that were malignant. I decided to tweak my diet one notch up. I decided to start on supplements for the sole purpose of building my strength and immunity in case chemotherapy was necessary. On that day the surgeon told me that my cancer was just at Stage 1 and they hoped that surgery would remove all delinquent cells. Thereafter I would be given " hormone blockers" as the cancer was feeding off oestrogen hormones so that source of " food" had to be denied.
After the mastectomy on 28 June 2017 I was told that one of four sentinel lymph noes was affected to they did an auxiliary removal of all twenty-two lymph nodes in right armpit. These lymph nodes were sent for testing and praise the Lord only one of twenty-two were found to have been affected. This was enough for the re-classification to Stage 2. Praise the Lord again as scans on bones, abdomen, kidneys and liver all clear. There was a shadow in the left lung but Dr Tina Koh ( NCCS) said it was too small and translucent even to do a biopsy so they scheduled another scan on 19 Dec 2017. We'll see if it develops or disappears.
Now, back to the issue of food. I know that battle belongs to the Lord. I have no doubts about that at all. I felt as Bilbo might have felt in the battle of the Five Armies - too small to make an impact when the Almighty was waging battle on my behalf. So I decided that my part in the battle was to build my strength up.
I was a little apprehensive at first but, hey do I want to live? Answer's Yes of Course so I eat all that is ( reasonably) needed to enable me to optimise my health so I can have the benefits of chemo with none ( or at least minimal) side effects. More vegetables, more fruits, no sugar and minimal carbohydrates. No more of my favourite custard puffs or brownies or sugee cake. More broccoli and sprouts and spinach. It's all a matter of perspective!
Another post will list what I have been guided, after prayer, to take.
God bless you all.
On the other hand, both Dad and Mum loved sweet potatoes BECAUSE that was all they had to eat. Totally opposite perspectives.
Since suspecting that there might be a problem when I received a letter from SingHealth in late May 2017 asking me to go for a repeat mammogram and " further investigations", I tweaked my diet. I stopped sugar-as far as I could that is- and increased my fruit and vegetable intake. Having sort-of been on a Paleo diet since 1 Jan 2016, the transition wasn't too difficult.
On 21 June 2017 I was told that the tests had uncovered 2 lumps that were malignant. I decided to tweak my diet one notch up. I decided to start on supplements for the sole purpose of building my strength and immunity in case chemotherapy was necessary. On that day the surgeon told me that my cancer was just at Stage 1 and they hoped that surgery would remove all delinquent cells. Thereafter I would be given " hormone blockers" as the cancer was feeding off oestrogen hormones so that source of " food" had to be denied.
After the mastectomy on 28 June 2017 I was told that one of four sentinel lymph noes was affected to they did an auxiliary removal of all twenty-two lymph nodes in right armpit. These lymph nodes were sent for testing and praise the Lord only one of twenty-two were found to have been affected. This was enough for the re-classification to Stage 2. Praise the Lord again as scans on bones, abdomen, kidneys and liver all clear. There was a shadow in the left lung but Dr Tina Koh ( NCCS) said it was too small and translucent even to do a biopsy so they scheduled another scan on 19 Dec 2017. We'll see if it develops or disappears.
Now, back to the issue of food. I know that battle belongs to the Lord. I have no doubts about that at all. I felt as Bilbo might have felt in the battle of the Five Armies - too small to make an impact when the Almighty was waging battle on my behalf. So I decided that my part in the battle was to build my strength up.
I was a little apprehensive at first but, hey do I want to live? Answer's Yes of Course so I eat all that is ( reasonably) needed to enable me to optimise my health so I can have the benefits of chemo with none ( or at least minimal) side effects. More vegetables, more fruits, no sugar and minimal carbohydrates. No more of my favourite custard puffs or brownies or sugee cake. More broccoli and sprouts and spinach. It's all a matter of perspective!
Another post will list what I have been guided, after prayer, to take.
God bless you all.
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