Simple in Virtue, Strong in Duty Bound

Forward CHIJ

" Forward CHIJ forge a future bright
Advancing our aims with zeal and might
Guide us in our studies oh Lord we pray
Wisdom, courage and charity
Strengthen in us each day

Solidly united in our motto sound
Simple in virtue
Strong in duty bound

Loyal to our own isle we will ever be
Defending and serving our country

Noble in ambition, thought, word and deed

Rally round CHIJ,
We will strive to succeed"

School Song Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus Singapore

Once again I was surprised and humbled as my former schoolmates rallied around with prayers and words of encouragement . Some who had themselves walked this road opened up and shared their experience and feelings. Many offered a listening ear should I need to yell and others sent hugs and love through Facebook, texts, email, WhatsApp and calls. It didn't matter to them that we hadn't met or even spoken for decades. All offered the most precious gift - prayers and I am privileged to have firsthand experience of answered prayers as thus far on my journey the side effects have been minimal.

Nothing fancy from any of them. Just genuine love and care- simple in virtue - arms linked around me, in Singapore and from around the world, in a circle of prayer and encouragement. Fr. Barre ( and Sr Lizzie) would have been so proud of them.

Update: Sheila Forde asked for the music for the song and the President of the CHIJ Old Girls' Association, Dr Claire Ang very kindly replied to my query even though she's out of town and will be back in a week or so. She will pass the music score and I will post it. God bless all😃1st Oct 2017

He's got the whole world in His Hands

"He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands"

He's got the whole world in His Hands - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXtFqCw6rH8&sns=em

A gospel song sung at campfires when we were in school, this echoed in my mind the morning of 16 August 2017 when I was scheduled to have the first chemo dose. I woke to find that from the night before so many friends and family had sent prayers , love and encouragement. The messages came from Australia, UK, The Netherlands, USA, Germany, Batam and of course right here in Singapore . I am humbled to see how these people, many of whom are schoolmates whom I hadn't seen in 40 years or more took the time not just to think of me and pray for me but to text or WhatsApp their encouragement.

Apart from my own family God rallied people from literally around the world to encircle me with love and prayers. Truly we serve a mighty loving sovereign God.

**as it turned out the chemo was postponed to 24 Aug 2017 because I had the flu on 16 Aug. The same thing happened then and on 14 Sept 2017 the day of the 2nd instalment of chemo. The Lord formed a wall around me and I am safe within.

You can turn the world on with a smile

"You can turn the world on with a smile
You can take a nothing day, suddenly make it all seem worthwhile
Well it's you girl and you should know
With each step and every little movement you show it
Love is all around
Why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all"

Theme Song of The Mary Tyler Moore Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zfti7b31rs&sns=em

This song has surfaced in my life over and over again. As I left school in 1975 one of teachers wrote in my autograph book ( who remembers how popular those were?)

"Keep that smile Gerry, it has warmed more hearts than you'll ever know". I didn't really understand what she meant at that time and I have given my share of "death stares" over the last 40 years.

But I realise that it's my smile that people remember and comment (kindly) on. My husband rolls his eyes when I deliberately set out to smile a serious cashier or cleaning lady into responding. In the old Bestway Building it took nearly 3 years to coax a smile out of a cashier 😉. 

With a constant metallic taste throughout the first 10 days of Chemo Round 2 I find myself making an effort not to grimace. Smiling is a decision when your tastebuds are on sabbatical.

There have been "nothing" days before when I decided that no-one was going smile me into a good mood. I'd just have to turn my smile up a couple of notches and light up my own day. And if no-one wants to smile back at me s'right... I'll turn my own world on with a smile. 

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B

This is the text I sent to people who asked how I was. Feet tapping to the song in this post's title 

I feel so good that I have to remind myself there's possibly an " enemy within"

I was informed on 21st June 2017 that the biopsy done on some lumps on the right breast showed they were malignant. Praise the Lord left breast clear so on 28th June had simple mastectomy on right side only. ( I didn't want to cancel the Penang trip planned by Ian for 22 june 😁) Also praise the Lord no nausea n no lightheadedness. No pain at all praise the Lord for His mercy.  During the operation they found 4 lymph nodes affected by the cancer so they removed all 22 lymph nodes on the right as a precaution sent me for several scans. Praise the Lord scans show bones, kidneys, liver and stomach clear. There is a shadow in one lung so that scan's been referred to a lung specialist. Seems it's still too small n translucent to do a biopsy now. They hv scheduled another scan in Dec 2017 to determine if we should be concerned😝

I feel great- feel like dancing ... really.. not being frivolous or flippant ... it's a strange thing to say but I feel like Jesus is showing me through this cancer that He is IN love with me. That's different from Him loving me. There's a new excitement, a new wide-eyed look at everyone n everything around me, a super wide silly grin on my face. I really do feel like dancing- but richard only allows me to dance indoors hahaha It's a strange feeling which i cant accurately describe. I didn't expect it and I dont know how long it'll last but I hope it stays forever.  Granted, I would attract the wrong kind of attention if i boogeyed to the busstop hahaha God is good .. it's not a side effect of painkillers because I didn't take any- no pain at all praise the Lord for His mercy n love

I had a final discussion with Richard and family prayer before making a decision on what course of treatment to take. I decided to go with the "happy meal" -chemo, radiation n hormone therapy. Concurrently I changed my food intake and am feeling really good. Plan to focus on nutrition so can have the benefit of chemo while minimising adverse effects. I requested the first chemo after 15 aug. So can celebrate bday without using a mask haha( and with all my hair 👩🏽) alamak they scheduled 16 aug!! But 1st chemo eventually was on 24 aug because I had flu on 16 aug 2017.

I have peace that this is God's will although initially i was planning only to do the radiation n hormone therapy. No-one can tell what side effects i will have because everyone is different but whatever they will be, our God is in control. I will get through it with His grace, your support through prayer especially that, no matter what happens, I will not "waste" my cancer. I will use it to give glory to God and to show all what a mighty loving sovereign God we serve.   

Still feel like dancing💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 even though I might have to wear a mask when i do that  😷 lol No matter what comes I know our God is sovereign and He is in control. I know my idea of healing and His idea of healing may not be the same but who cares? He promised that all things would work to the good of those who love Him n who are called to His purpose

On Thursday 14 Sept 2017 i had Round 2 and found that I'd only lost 1 kg in the interim. I actually thought I'd gained weight because I binged on nasi Lemak for 4-5 days at the start of the first cycle😜  God is amazing - O the joy He has put in me! That truly is my strength. Side effects minimal. (Round 2 Day 9 no nausea at all praise the Lord. Just a constant metallic taste in my mouth.)💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻.    💃🏻💃🏻(vacancies still available if anyone wants to dance with me)

Thanking you all ( presumptuously ) for your prayers for me 

God bless and protect you All and your families

I Could Have Danced All Night

This was sung by Eliza Doolittle in the musical "My Fair Lady" after she was successfully introduced into society by Professor Henry Higgins. She realised she was in love and sang of how she could have danced all night.

" ... And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things
I'd never done before

I'll never know, what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night"

I Could have Danced All Night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ezy50aY6Bg&sns=em

I said to people who asked after my health and my spirits that after the diagnosis, after the operation, after the start of the chemotherapy, that I felt like dancing. I'm 61 years old, a grandmother of one ( more coming) and I feel like dancing!!! 

I watch the video clip of Eliza's starry-eyed dance to bed ( having watched the movie countless times before) and I identify with her because, as strange as it may seem, it is through this cancer that I feel Jesus is IN LOVE with me. Not loving me... That I've known like forever. But IN LOVE- with lil ol me! And I'm IN LOVE with Him. And that's different from just plain loving Him. 

If you're not a Christian, don't be offended and don't freak out. I'm not a weirdo. I'm a regular wife and mother and grandmother. I'm just telling you how I feel. And I'm happy. That surely doesn't come from myself. It's not self generated. It's a gift of joy from God. And my prayer is that all of you reading this have the same feeling ( without the cancer)

My next post contains what I sent to those who enquired about my health. You'll see what I mean about dancing.

God bless you all

Just Do It My Way

It was 6am on Sunday 10 Sep 2017. It was the morning of the 3rd day in hospital. I was waiting to be discharged and had just taken out tufts of hair in the shower which now lay in a heap on the floor of the bathroom. There was enough to make a fur coat for a hedgehog! I had been warned that my hair WOULD fall but the sight of handfuls gleefully taking their leave was a little startling. It was confirmation that, having started down this road of chemo, there would be things that would be totally beyond my control. I texted Richard to say " I thought I was ready for hair loss ( ya, in my head at any rate) but looking at my hair on the floor made me cry. Imagine if I wasn't prepared. " Richard's reply at 5:30am- "it's only hair- it'll grow back. I love you"

That dried my tears. And put everything in perspective. "It's only hair-it'll grow back". I stopped thinking about my hair and started thinking about my tummy. I was hungry and there was to be a two hour wait for breakfast. So I decided to write an Ode to my Hair. Did it in 10 minutes and had another 1 hour 50 mins to wait. Ah well.... At least I still felt hunger. And that is a privilege and a blessing when you don't have to worry where your next meal is coming from.


Ode to my hair ( My Way)

O Hair, did you hear that?

The final call for your departure

Don't stay for you must go

The only way, there is no other

And though I'm sad you leave

I'm also pleased you will be back soon

So go, I give you leave

I'll do it my way

Yes there were times I know you felt

That I pulled off more than I thought I held

And through it all when there was doubt

I held on tight and pulled you out

You have to go, O don't say no

Just do it my way

The razor purrs, it's neat and clean

The rest of you just fall out softly

I'll wait and soon I'll see

A new spring birth, of that I'm certain

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no not me

I did it my way

Original song My Way - Frank Sinatra 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AVOpNR2Pls&sns=em

The Best Things in Life are Free

"The moon belongs to everyone
The best things in life are free
The stars belong to everyone
They're put there for you and me

The flowers in spring
The robins that sing
The sunbeams that shine
They're yours, they're mine

And love can come to everyone
And so it will always be
The best things in life
Are free"

The Best Things in Life are free - Bing Crosby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKYYvJ0cRvc&sns=em

It's a pity that most of us need life ( read: God) to haul us in so that we have no choice  but to stop and realise a few simple truths like everyone can enjoy the moon, stars, sunshine, songs of birds, a gentle breeze and love of family and friends.  A friend of mine started a FB group called Gratitude Girls. I so like the idea. Imagine a group where everyone is committed to appreciating everything ( good and not-too-good) and everyone. Where everyone makes a commitment to be grateful. And that's the operative word- commitment. One DECIDES ( a matter of the head) that one will give thanks, that one will look at half-full glasses and that the complaints will stop. After that, wow, one notices the moon and stars, the clouds that bring refreshing rain, the sunshine that dries the clothes ( a mundane observation I'll admit). 

During the first cycle of chemo I felt that my tongue was coated ( it wasn't but that was the sensation). I thought that if only this sensation would go I'd be happy. Well now in the second cycle I don't have that sensation any more. Am I satisfied? Not exactly. Now I grouse about the fact that the front of my tongue feels "scalded" and that I can't seem to taste anything except at the back of my tongue. I long for rendang and Tom yam soup and other sweet/sour/spicy hot food but after a few mouthfuls I feel let down because everything tastes the same. Colin said to stay away from the good wine and I think he's right cos my taste buds turn wine into water! And , sigh, metallic water at that. 

So the point of today's post is Be Thankful For Your Taste Buds!!! Everyone takes their tastebuds for granted. Stop doing that. Savour what you eat whether it is chicken Corden Bleu or a hamburger, mesclun salad with avocado or sambal kangkong- Savour what you're putting in your mouth. There's a reason we're allowed a lunch HOUR. It's so we can slow down, and chew the cud and appreciate our appetite and our tastebuds. No use having money to buy food that you can't taste. If you find yourself so busy that you have to shovel your food into your mouth, well then you're TOO BUSY! Stop! Slow Down. Before you have to cos the best things in life- including your tastebuds in good working order- are FREE!!!

Zing Boom Tarrarel

"Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun
Roll out the barrel, we've got the blues on the run
Zing  boom tarrarel ring out a song of good cheer
Now it's time to roll the barrel, for the gang's all here"

Beer Barrel Polka - Andrew Sisters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnGEX72AToU&sns=em

I don't drink beer but singing this chorus at the top of one's voice  is one of the best ways of getting rid of the blues, the niggly doubts, the festering worries, the feeling that you're being overwhelmed.

ZING BOOM TERRAREL- Wikipaedia explains this phrase was a source of pride, a way of celebrating something. I love the sound of it- means nothing and everything at the same time.

The Beer Barrel Polka was written in 1927 and a no 1 in The Hit Parade in June 1939. It is said that this song was sung by soldiers, regardless of their allegiances, such, I believe, being the " kicka_ _" power of this song, defiant in the face of odds.

Everyone I've shared news of my treatment with recognises that God, in His mercy, has given me the gift of joy. I am happy, quietly happy, despite the wonky taste buds, the sporadically reduced energy levels, the curtailed activities. I am blessed with loving support of family and friends and the certainty that my Father in Heaven is God Almighty and He is totally in control.

That does not stop the devil from trying ( I'll hand that to him- never seems to give up) to steal my peace. It's songs like these, learnt probably before I learnt to talk, that help me laugh in the face of doubt ( easy when my Daddy's bigger than its daddy) And I'm beginning to think that my generally easy-going nature hides a defiant "up yours" attitude

ZING BOOM TERRAREL - try that when you feel that life has backed you into a corner. I celebrate the fact I'm alive! I am alive! No matter what happens my God promised all things work to the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose.

I don't know the words of the whole song. I can hum it and it warms my heart. My father used to sing this chorus all the time and I learnt it by heart ( or osmosis). Till today it makes my feet tap and my spirit rise cos I've got the blues on the run😉

Now it's time on roll the barrel  Cos the GANG's ALL HERE!

Just you wait and see

" There'll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow just you wait and see
There'll be love and laughter
And peace ever after
Tomorrow when the world is free

The shepherd will tend his sheep
The valley will bloom again
And Jimmy will go to sleep in his own little room again

There'll be blue birds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Just you wait and see

- The White Cliffs of Dover - Vera Lynn  circa 1940

A song of hope when there seemed to be none. The Second World War had just begun and there did not seem to be a way out as war rolled closer and closer to Britain. Yet hope in love and laughter and peace ever after never died. Is this relevant today ? In 2017? To a private battle ? I think so.

The escalation of my cancer categorisation from Stage 1 to Stage 2 caused me to momentarily pause and almost lose my swagger. Reminding myself that it was only from Stage 1 to stage 2 and not Stage 4 to No Hope did not seem to make a dramatic difference. Something whispered " It's just a matter of time you know. You're just fooling yourself"

That ' something' was Despair - the nemesis of Hope. I learnt how insidiously the enemy works. He does not just attack you physically. That's easy-peasy. And with the correct medicine and diet and exercise most people will overcome and recover. Oh no, he attacks deep inside. Just plants doubt. In tiny doses. And like a parasite creeper it spreads and chokes all the upbeat positive thoughts that carry life's blood through the body. The only antidote is the stubborn declaration that there WILL be bluebirds flying again, and the sun WILL rise, and my family WILL be there and my God WILL never forsake me. You declare what you believe will arise after the dust and noise settle.

And that will happen- when, how and in what manner we don't know but it will happen.... Just you wait and see.

Somethin' Tells Me I'm Into Something Good

" Woke up this mornin' feelin' fine
There's something special on my mind
Last night I met a new girl in my neighbourhood whoa yeah
Somethin' tells me I'm into something good "

     I'm Into Something Good - Herman's Hermits

Herman's Hermits were a favourite group but I really woke up this morning feelin' fine. And realised that I met a new girl in the neighbourhood... ME!

And surprise!!  I don't look too bad without hair. So what on earth did I waste ALL that time worrying about how my hair looked? Shouldn't I have worried about how my eyes looked?

I liked actors like Bill Bixby ( Courtship of Eddy's Father and Incredible Hulk) and Robert Conrad (Wild Wild West and Baa Baa Black Sheep) and Robin Williams. They had eyes that twinkled, whatever character they played. Elizabeth Montgomery ( as Samantha Stevens in the TV series Bewitched) and  Karen Grassle ( Caroline Ingalls in " Little House on the Praire")  are my picks for lovely eyes that spoke volumes.

So having decided to get the remainder of my hair shaved I had a pleasant surprise... The hair doesn't make me who I am.

I met a new girl in the neighbourhood. - and Something tells me I'm into something good.

Luke 11:34-35 

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your vision is clear, your whole body also is full of light. But when it is poor, your body is full of darkness. Be careful, then , that the light within you is not darkness

Feelin' Groovy

Slow down you move too fast
You gotta make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobbled stones
Lookin' for fun and feeling groovy

Hello lamppost,
Whatcha know in'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'

Ain't Cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo doo
Feelin' groovy

Got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleepy
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you
All is groovy

Simon & Garfunkel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So0ZrTwf8vl&sns=em



Another of my favourite songs. Hey, you don't have to wait till you're 60 years old to slow down. We're all moving too fast!!

It's Chemo Round 2 Day 3 and I'm feelin' groovy. No nausea. Feelin' groovy. Ok so I don't have the energy to rock'on'roll but I wake in the morning happy. It's Saturday and the family says " Rest mum, relax". I want to but realise like nearly every one else I have woken up for years hitting the ground running. Lazing around is a skill that needs to be re-learned.

Another thing to re-learn is that I don't have to feel guilty about watching flowers grow while there's laundry to be done and floors to be swept. I'm so blessed that my sons have taken over the housework and laundry and sometimes even the cooking and my daughter helps in my shopping.

I feel great and think that I can continue doing everything but perhaps my family see a little beyond me. My husband, if he had his way, would have me do nothing at all but rest😉 He just wants me to be well again. My brother Colin is my pacer in this marathon.

I feel so much love from my family and friends and ya

Life I love you
All is groovy