Facing the giant

sent this to the family group

Somehow hearing Dr Benita's calm answers and explanations I realised that cancer isn't a giant. It's not the"Big C" to be spoken of in hushed tones or not even mentioned at all rather like Voldermort.

Cancer was reduced to manageable levels by science but I have back- up. Where science might sometimes fail, my God is still in control

Hi guys

Already saw the surgeon Dr Benita  Tan. Left breast biopsy done on friday- prelim results show lump is benign. Still testing tho. Final result on 28 june

Surgery fixed on 28 june. Dont know time yet. Will stay the night n be discharged around 7 am on 29 June if all ok.

Surgeon's briefing very clear. Answered most of my questions before i even asked them.

Right breast will be completely removed. I have decided no reconstruction. Will use temp padding and a prothesis later when completely healed.

Scar will be a neat line with internal stitches that won't need to be removed.

Will have a tube and little bottle for 7-14 days to drain excess fluid. Will be able to go to jkt 14-16 july. Will be able to resume normal activities upon discharge after surgery.

No restriction on food but shld hv more fruits n veg n rest n exercise ( except swimming until i get suitable swimsuit🤓)

Nat stayed with us thru the morning.  Came back at 2pm for blood tests xray at 2pm n anaesthetist at 4pm- praise the Llord for that. Now we go in peace to Penang.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Love you all

God Bless you

How do I tell them?

richard n I talked about the diagnosis first. We digested the news and prayed . I decided to tell the children by using WhatsApp so they'd all hear about it at the same time. I thought about what to say and it flowed. I wanted the family to know that I believe totally in the God I worship... He is sovereign

My message to the family

1. Both the biopsies indicate presence of cancerous cells

2. It appears to be in the early stages

3. The treatment suggested is complete masectomy because of the sites of the 2 lumps being deep in the breast rather than near the surface

- the location of the lumps makes it difficult for breast conservation
- it is considered as multicentric i.e. More than one lump of the same cancer

4. At this point there is no indication that cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in the right armpit nor to anywhere else in the right breast

5. At this point there is no indication that there is any thing to be concerned about in left breast.

6. If masectomy is done there are 3 choices:

a. Leave the site flat
b. Reconstruct immediately
c. Reconstruct at a later date

7. If reconstruction is chosen this can be
a. Artificial ie with implant
b using my own skin n tissue

8. Both these have their own challenges


My response
A. God is in control. That doesnt mean I am in denial nor that I have presumptive faith. It means I will not walk in fear.

B. I will begin sunchorella tmr fully aware it's not a miracle supplement😊 will add some other supplements and tweak my diet. That and prayers are my part

C. I am not panicked nor fearful as i truly believe God is in control. It may be harder for you all but take the cue from me. I will let you know should i be afraid any time in the future🙂

D. Please tell your respective partners n I ask your prayers BUT do not tell anyone else for the time being. I want time with papa n you all.

E. I understand that if i dont want reconstruction, the surgery/recovery will take a day,possibly overnight stay. If i do decide on reconstruction it will be more like 10 day recovery. Papa has left that decision to me and, right now, I'm not really interested in reconstruction.

F. I feel and I am exactly the same- more thankful to God for prompting me to get the screening, which i hadnt done in years, so this could be stopped early.

G. Cancer is a terrorist attack- meant to intimidate us into changing lifestyle in fear. I dont intend to be intimidated. There may be some lifestyle ( read: diet n exercise) changes but nothing else. Penang is a go!!!!

Love you all so much n once again God is in control

God Bless you alL

Second Opinions

when you're told you have cancer should you get a second opinion?

I won't. I asked God to give me the best team and I'm sure He will I have full confidence in the team He has decided on and I know He is in control.

Here's an update on 17 Sept 2017 : I'm still not thinking of getting second opinions. He has given me the best team and I'll flow with that.

My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So there cancer!!!😝

On with the show this is it

I hope no-one thinks I'm flippant and gets offended. There's surgery planned for tomorrow morning.but I'm not scared. I believe God, in His love, has prepared me . I received a call asking me to report at 7 am instead of at noon. I'm glad. Better than waiting.

Thinking now of all the things I meant to do but didn't. Thinking of this afternoon when Karen and I agreed co-author a book after the operation I think God wants me to use the time which He's going to give me.

Step by Step 2

Ok... so I did say " 'nuff said' in the last post. And it was... at that moment. But I'm a lawyer and lawyers take notes ( most of the time anyway)

And this will remind and strengthen me always that He leads ( present tense) me

7 June - the day I went to National Cancer Centre Singapore ( NCSS) for the follow-up mammogram after the breast screening. Had a biopsy on 2 suspicious lumps in right breast.

Ps 90:2,4
Before the mountains were brought forth, Or ever You had formed the earth and the world, Even from everlasting to everlasting You are God. For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past, And like a watch in the night.


16 June 2017 - I received a call asking me to go in early on the morning of Monday 19 June for a biopsy on the left breast (just to be sure )

At 10:22 pm I received this on one of the group chats

Luke 1:37
For with God nothing shall be impossible

17/18 June woke at 01:50 bright - eyed and bushy tailed. While I fully accepted that God is sovereign  and that no evil will have effect on me unless He allows it, I wondered that night about the possibility of curses given the many unusual " mishaps" that happened since Oct 2 2016 ( that's another story altogether ) Sat up with the bible on my lap and it fell open at Jer 15:21
I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked
And I will redeem from the handgrip of the terrible

God answered my question immediately and I fell asleep very soon after that, no more questions😀


19 June
Went for the biopsy and was told that they hoped to get some result by 21 June which was the date of my appointment at NCSS

That night my eyes fell on
Jer 33:6
Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.

20 June
As much as I thought that I was calm and trusting, I think God knew I needed a little reminder before seeing the doctors

Zech 4:6
Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord of Hosts

21 June
Saw the Doctors. Lumps are malignant and mastectomy is needed. We planned to go to Penang 22-25 June and I didn't want to cancel it. Surgery fixed for 28 June. Preliminary results indicate lumps in left breast are benign though full results will be available 28 June. Then I would know if it will be a single or double mastectomy.

Even before the devil could begin trying to intimidate me the Holy Spirit reminded me of His promise of protection when we abide in His Presence.

Ps91:1
[Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God] He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall

abide under the shadow of the Almighty

Thank God for His reminder of what things in life are important - His Presence and our family. Penang is a go... Cancer is not going to change our lives!!! Glory to God alone!
22 June
Yaaaay Richard and Ian and I are off to Penang and David joins us tomorrow. And this was God's wonderful reassurance

Ps 121:7-8
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore

Step by Step 1

Step by Step You'll lead me and I will follow You all of my days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2KOCgC8DnU&sns=em
Rich Mullins- Step By Step

'nuff said

Should I feel afraid?

I always imagined that if one were told that one had cancer one would be in shock, have hysterics or spiral downwards into deep depression. That hasn't happened to me and I don't think it's likely that it will. So, should I be concerned that that I'm not concerned?

Feeling my way

I told the Registrar Dr Thung and surgeon Dr Benita Tan on 7 June 2017 that I am not the hysterical type... and I'm not. In fact my Husband Richard says that I'm "so cool". Not really.  I already sensed something even though there were no physical signs so I had time to prepare myself. And besides I truly believe God is in control. And if I believe that, I also therefore have to believe that this is part of His perfect plan for me. And remind myself that His understanding of "healing" may not be on all fours with my understanding. Yet it will be good. I know it😀

More tomorrow . Good night all. God bless you 🙂

The factual background

I decided to start this blog to document my journey through what may be thought to be " the valley of the shadow of death"

I went for a regular breast screening on 11 May 2017 because I had a feeling I should ( oh and also because I didn't have one for close on eight years I think). Not that I was feeling unwell or anything. Not even because I felt a lump in my breast. Just because I had a feeling I should.

Then I received a letter dated 25 May 2017 from the National Cancer Centre Singapore ( NCSS) asking me to make an appointment for further investigations as the mammogram " revealed some changes" that warranted these " further investigations". So I dutifully complied and was given an appointment on 7 June 2017. After a mammogram and ultrasound were done I was told that a biopsy was needed and thta was done in the afternoon of the same day. I was told that the mammogram done on 11 May 2017 showed a mass fairly deep in the centre of the right breast and the ultrasound that morning showed another mass looking rather like a lake nearer the surface. They explained that they'll do biopsies on both. Appt fixed on Wed 21 June for outcome.

On Sat 17 June the NCSS called to ask me to go on Monday 19 June at 8 am for biopsies on left breast just to be on the safe side.