United We Stand

"There's no-where in the world that I would rather be than with you my love
And there's no-one in the world that I would rather see than your smile my love

For United we stand, Divided we fall
And if our backs should ever be against the wall
We'll be together, together you and I

If the world around you falls apart my love
Then I'll still be here,
And if the going gets too hard just you call, I'll hear

United We Stand - Brotherhood of Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZB96cvBjy8&sns=em

Family- united we stand, physically, emotionally, spiritually. United in the Lord and no weapons formed against any of us shall prosper. Thank-you Lord for your perfect plan and protection for each of us. To God be the glory.

We will, we will rock you/ We are the Champions

"We will, we will rock you
We will we will rock you"

We will rock you - Queen - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk&sns=em

"what a noisy silly song" I thought when I heard it but the stomping beat was mesmerising. I didn't bother with the lyrics but this recurring phrase stuck in my head. Some days ago I was trying to explain to a young friend about the estrogen- hungry cancer that the doctors found in me. I suggested she imagine the cancer cells gobbling estrogen hormones then linking arms and advancing menacingly towards the innocent cells chanting " We will, we will ROCK YOU"

If not for the early detection and treatment they may well have rocked a lot more innocent cells. But God led me to have a mammogram and as I said in earlier posts I believe my God is in control and the battle belongs to Him. I am in the delightfully glorious position of standing with my good cells, arms linked and chanting ,on my part, another song from Queen

We are the Champions, my Friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the Champions
We are the Champions
No time for losers
'Cos we are the champions, of the World.

We are the Champions - Queen- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY&sns=em

It's not plain sailing. We have to fight. Till the end. We have to fight intimidation, doubt, despair, anger, self-pity, guilt and condemnation. We have to fight physically, emotionally, mentally an enemy that has no mercy and gives no quarter. We have to decide to be strong and courageous and meditate on His law day and night. But we fight knowing our God does not sleep nor slumber. That He promised He will never leave or forsake us. That by the stripes of Jesus we ARE healed. That's a promise made by a God who is not a man that He should lie. 

I write as a Christian ( one who believes in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and am so blessed that through this journey the joy of the Lord, that itself a gift from God, has been my strength. Since I learned of my diagnosis I declared several times a day
1 I am fearfully and wonderfully made
2 My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
3 By the stripes of the Lord Jesus I AM healed. 
Then I thanked the Lord for blessings as mundane as having running water and toilets that flush☺️ To my family and friends and for His mercy. 
Today is Chemo Round 3 Day 2. I feel as I did before the chemotherapy began. That's my God's mercy- totally undeserved and not "worked for" by me. It's the grace of an infinite ever living, ever loving God.

This works for me and can for you. And if anyone reading this has questions I'll answer them the best I can. 

God is my Healer. All glory to God.

Today Is my moment and now is my story

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joys that are mine- Today

I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table
I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what tomorrow shall bring

Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine -Today

I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises from winter to spring
Today is my moment and now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine -Today

Today-John Denver https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBGjZAYcJqc&sns=em

We were 13 year old cadets of the National Cadet Corps in our school the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus in (at that time) Victoria Street. Our platoon had left the training grounds to go back to camp and only 4 of us remained behind to do a final check before leaving. An army driver returned for us in what was probably an Austin Countryman. We piled into the back with our backpacks ( called knapsacks then) and a guitar. I remember the 4 of us, Julie Sim, Janice Pais, Josephine Seow and me, singing this song quietly in harmony during the short ride to the camp-site. I remember the driver turning around in surprise. He said ." Oh you all singing-ah (sic) I thought from radio. Wah very nice"
That was such a nice compliment.

Today I sit waiting to be called in for Round 3 of the chemotherapy. I am grateful for the last five days when I felt and functioned at pre-chemo levels particularly of energy, appetite and taste. In fact, over the last 3 weeks, I lost only 200 gm! God has been merciful to me and I ask His blessing on family and friends who have continually touched base with me to encourage and pray for me.
There have been ups and downs particularly in the last 30 years. Sometimes it seemed that each "down" was deeper, darker and longer than the previous. Yet the "ups" were definitely higher, brighter and more promising than the last. I can cite the weddings, graduations, birth of the first grand-child as high points but little things every day were also high points.

Today is my moment. I am alive and well. I am well. I need to go through this process. I can walk through it purposefully, I can drag my feet resentfully, I can stagger under the weight of fear, I can march in defiance. I choose to dance and laugh and cry and sing. Because TODAY is my moment

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink

"Water water everywhere 
And all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere 
And not a drop to drink"

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner- Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1798

These are but four lines of one of the longest poems written. Spoken by the protagonist, it encapsulates the despair of sailors drifting on the ocean surrounded by water yet without any water to drink.

These words came to mind several times in the last six weeks. I have always gulped rather than sipped water. I could drink 500 ml of water without a pause if I was really thirsty. I learned to appreciate cool water when as a teenager I trained as a race walker with my father and, in those "olden" days, the prevailing wisdom was that one didn't drink while training in order to avoid "stitches" in one's side. My father also discouraged drinking water until half an hour after training ended. So you can imagine the eagerness with which I drank water once the time limit was reached. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be shipwrecked or in a desert without water.

On the first day of the chemotherapy I did not ration my water intake, as a result of which I threw up all the anti-nausea medication I had been given.  That was unfortunate as I had to endure discomfort until the next time the medication was due. I began to ration my fluid intake and took my supplements and medications one tablet/capsule at a time ( instead of 5-7 in a mouthful). In the second round of chemo I was given a week's supply of antibiotics ( 3 capsules every 6 hours) this was the most difficult course of medication I have ever had to take. When I tried swallowing all 3 at a go they seemed to get stuck just south of my collarbone and the pain was physical pain. It was as if the 3 capsules and the water that was carrying them down met a huge burp on its way up and neither would give way. I had to rub my chest in a totally vain attempt to ease the discomfort... That just gave me something to do as the pain remained for at least 15 minutes.  Eventually I took one capsule every 15 minutes with just enough water to send it on its way. Surrounded by water yet having to take only a sip at a time- how sad, how maddening, how frightening.

Imagine the delight, the relief, the glee when I discovered this morning that I could down a whole mug full of cool water at one go. I imagined and actually savoured the physical sensation of the cool water tumbling , rushing, leaping like rapids through a gorge down to the very middle of me. I downed a second mugful just to celebrate. I repeated this TwoMug dosage every hour for no other reason than " Because I Can".

Like my tastebuds ( oh yes, they've all returned from their holiday and chicken tastes like chicken and water no longer like metallic water) that I now consciously appreciate, I add " drinking water without imposed limits" to a growing list of things that I will no longer take for granted.

Tomorrow I go for the blood test that needs to be done before I see Dr Beh, the medical oncologist, who will decide if Round 3 of the chemo is a go on Thursday 5 Oct 2017

I'll just go drink more water - it's worth waking up in the middle of the night for a pit stop😇

I must have done something good

" nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something,
Something good"

Something Good - Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music 1965

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d9AH_mXvCQ&sns=em

A beautiful song. Sister Maria thought that the reward of being loved was because of a moment of truth in her past. She was right that nothing comes from nothing. All that is good comes from God.

Especially since June 2017 when the doctors confirmed the presence of cancerous cells in my body I have woken up every morning even more thankful for the blessings of life and family.

Today as my three year old grand-daughter lay fast asleep next to me I savoured my private Kodak moment. I remembered the same so-special feeling lying next to all my 6 children in their first 3 years. For a number of years ( nearly 6 years) there was usually one asleep on either side of me (usually the younger ones as the elder ones "graduated" away from mummy). That meant that on some level of consciousness I was aware of them so slept as motionlessly as was possible enjoying the sensation of little warm bodies snugly asleep next to me.

Nothing describes accurately the sense of peace and thankfulness and wonder I have now, for who am I to be blessed to be mother/grandmother? Was it because I did "something good" in my youth? Nope. Not at all. This privilege, and that's exactly what it is, a privilege, is because of God's mercy. I did nothing to deserve this and it is this realisation that not just humbles me but prompts me to be conciously thankful. I suspect that all my life I have been vaguely aware that I ought to be thankful and not grumble etc . I wish I had been more intentional about it.

Cancer has done me the greatest favour. It has stopped me in my tracks so that I deliberately count my blessings. My husband has occasionally in the past been impatient with what he considered to be my tendency to unrealistically look always on the bright side. I understand now that that is a gift from God. He has given me a gift to be upbeat, positive and yes, happy even if that is sometimes buried under my impatience or exasperation.

In an earlier post I wondered if I should be concerned that I was not concerned. I realise now it is not that I was not concerned but that I had no cause to be concerned. You see, if I believe God is in control then being concerned is futile. I channelled my energies intentionally to enjoying every moment He chose to give me.

Regrets? Yes as the song goes " I had a few" . Mainly the fact I let the children's growing up years flash by without savouring moments because  I was too " busy" with work and business and housework and ministry. Took me a while to understand that we are supposed to be human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

Lesson learnt. He has blessed me out of His infinite mercy not because I did anything good but because He is good. All He wants me to do is enjoy that blessing. And I will. I am happy😀all glory to God.

Psalm 121:8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
                     From this time forth and even forevermore

Simple in Virtue, Strong in Duty Bound

Forward CHIJ

" Forward CHIJ forge a future bright
Advancing our aims with zeal and might
Guide us in our studies oh Lord we pray
Wisdom, courage and charity
Strengthen in us each day

Solidly united in our motto sound
Simple in virtue
Strong in duty bound

Loyal to our own isle we will ever be
Defending and serving our country

Noble in ambition, thought, word and deed

Rally round CHIJ,
We will strive to succeed"

School Song Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus Singapore

Once again I was surprised and humbled as my former schoolmates rallied around with prayers and words of encouragement . Some who had themselves walked this road opened up and shared their experience and feelings. Many offered a listening ear should I need to yell and others sent hugs and love through Facebook, texts, email, WhatsApp and calls. It didn't matter to them that we hadn't met or even spoken for decades. All offered the most precious gift - prayers and I am privileged to have firsthand experience of answered prayers as thus far on my journey the side effects have been minimal.

Nothing fancy from any of them. Just genuine love and care- simple in virtue - arms linked around me, in Singapore and from around the world, in a circle of prayer and encouragement. Fr. Barre ( and Sr Lizzie) would have been so proud of them.

Update: Sheila Forde asked for the music for the song and the President of the CHIJ Old Girls' Association, Dr Claire Ang very kindly replied to my query even though she's out of town and will be back in a week or so. She will pass the music score and I will post it. God bless all😃1st Oct 2017

He's got the whole world in His Hands

"He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands
He's got the whole World in His Hands"

He's got the whole world in His Hands - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXtFqCw6rH8&sns=em

A gospel song sung at campfires when we were in school, this echoed in my mind the morning of 16 August 2017 when I was scheduled to have the first chemo dose. I woke to find that from the night before so many friends and family had sent prayers , love and encouragement. The messages came from Australia, UK, The Netherlands, USA, Germany, Batam and of course right here in Singapore . I am humbled to see how these people, many of whom are schoolmates whom I hadn't seen in 40 years or more took the time not just to think of me and pray for me but to text or WhatsApp their encouragement.

Apart from my own family God rallied people from literally around the world to encircle me with love and prayers. Truly we serve a mighty loving sovereign God.

**as it turned out the chemo was postponed to 24 Aug 2017 because I had the flu on 16 Aug. The same thing happened then and on 14 Sept 2017 the day of the 2nd instalment of chemo. The Lord formed a wall around me and I am safe within.

You can turn the world on with a smile

"You can turn the world on with a smile
You can take a nothing day, suddenly make it all seem worthwhile
Well it's you girl and you should know
With each step and every little movement you show it
Love is all around
Why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all"

Theme Song of The Mary Tyler Moore Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zfti7b31rs&sns=em

This song has surfaced in my life over and over again. As I left school in 1975 one of teachers wrote in my autograph book ( who remembers how popular those were?)

"Keep that smile Gerry, it has warmed more hearts than you'll ever know". I didn't really understand what she meant at that time and I have given my share of "death stares" over the last 40 years.

But I realise that it's my smile that people remember and comment (kindly) on. My husband rolls his eyes when I deliberately set out to smile a serious cashier or cleaning lady into responding. In the old Bestway Building it took nearly 3 years to coax a smile out of a cashier 😉. 

With a constant metallic taste throughout the first 10 days of Chemo Round 2 I find myself making an effort not to grimace. Smiling is a decision when your tastebuds are on sabbatical.

There have been "nothing" days before when I decided that no-one was going smile me into a good mood. I'd just have to turn my smile up a couple of notches and light up my own day. And if no-one wants to smile back at me s'right... I'll turn my own world on with a smile. 

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B

This is the text I sent to people who asked how I was. Feet tapping to the song in this post's title 

I feel so good that I have to remind myself there's possibly an " enemy within"

I was informed on 21st June 2017 that the biopsy done on some lumps on the right breast showed they were malignant. Praise the Lord left breast clear so on 28th June had simple mastectomy on right side only. ( I didn't want to cancel the Penang trip planned by Ian for 22 june 😁) Also praise the Lord no nausea n no lightheadedness. No pain at all praise the Lord for His mercy.  During the operation they found 4 lymph nodes affected by the cancer so they removed all 22 lymph nodes on the right as a precaution sent me for several scans. Praise the Lord scans show bones, kidneys, liver and stomach clear. There is a shadow in one lung so that scan's been referred to a lung specialist. Seems it's still too small n translucent to do a biopsy now. They hv scheduled another scan in Dec 2017 to determine if we should be concerned😝

I feel great- feel like dancing ... really.. not being frivolous or flippant ... it's a strange thing to say but I feel like Jesus is showing me through this cancer that He is IN love with me. That's different from Him loving me. There's a new excitement, a new wide-eyed look at everyone n everything around me, a super wide silly grin on my face. I really do feel like dancing- but richard only allows me to dance indoors hahaha It's a strange feeling which i cant accurately describe. I didn't expect it and I dont know how long it'll last but I hope it stays forever.  Granted, I would attract the wrong kind of attention if i boogeyed to the busstop hahaha God is good .. it's not a side effect of painkillers because I didn't take any- no pain at all praise the Lord for His mercy n love

I had a final discussion with Richard and family prayer before making a decision on what course of treatment to take. I decided to go with the "happy meal" -chemo, radiation n hormone therapy. Concurrently I changed my food intake and am feeling really good. Plan to focus on nutrition so can have the benefit of chemo while minimising adverse effects. I requested the first chemo after 15 aug. So can celebrate bday without using a mask haha( and with all my hair 👩🏽) alamak they scheduled 16 aug!! But 1st chemo eventually was on 24 aug because I had flu on 16 aug 2017.

I have peace that this is God's will although initially i was planning only to do the radiation n hormone therapy. No-one can tell what side effects i will have because everyone is different but whatever they will be, our God is in control. I will get through it with His grace, your support through prayer especially that, no matter what happens, I will not "waste" my cancer. I will use it to give glory to God and to show all what a mighty loving sovereign God we serve.   

Still feel like dancing💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 even though I might have to wear a mask when i do that  😷 lol No matter what comes I know our God is sovereign and He is in control. I know my idea of healing and His idea of healing may not be the same but who cares? He promised that all things would work to the good of those who love Him n who are called to His purpose

On Thursday 14 Sept 2017 i had Round 2 and found that I'd only lost 1 kg in the interim. I actually thought I'd gained weight because I binged on nasi Lemak for 4-5 days at the start of the first cycle😜  God is amazing - O the joy He has put in me! That truly is my strength. Side effects minimal. (Round 2 Day 9 no nausea at all praise the Lord. Just a constant metallic taste in my mouth.)💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻.    💃🏻💃🏻(vacancies still available if anyone wants to dance with me)

Thanking you all ( presumptuously ) for your prayers for me 

God bless and protect you All and your families

I Could Have Danced All Night

This was sung by Eliza Doolittle in the musical "My Fair Lady" after she was successfully introduced into society by Professor Henry Higgins. She realised she was in love and sang of how she could have danced all night.

" ... And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things
I'd never done before

I'll never know, what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night"

I Could have Danced All Night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ezy50aY6Bg&sns=em

I said to people who asked after my health and my spirits that after the diagnosis, after the operation, after the start of the chemotherapy, that I felt like dancing. I'm 61 years old, a grandmother of one ( more coming) and I feel like dancing!!! 

I watch the video clip of Eliza's starry-eyed dance to bed ( having watched the movie countless times before) and I identify with her because, as strange as it may seem, it is through this cancer that I feel Jesus is IN LOVE with me. Not loving me... That I've known like forever. But IN LOVE- with lil ol me! And I'm IN LOVE with Him. And that's different from just plain loving Him. 

If you're not a Christian, don't be offended and don't freak out. I'm not a weirdo. I'm a regular wife and mother and grandmother. I'm just telling you how I feel. And I'm happy. That surely doesn't come from myself. It's not self generated. It's a gift of joy from God. And my prayer is that all of you reading this have the same feeling ( without the cancer)

My next post contains what I sent to those who enquired about my health. You'll see what I mean about dancing.

God bless you all

Just Do It My Way

It was 6am on Sunday 10 Sep 2017. It was the morning of the 3rd day in hospital. I was waiting to be discharged and had just taken out tufts of hair in the shower which now lay in a heap on the floor of the bathroom. There was enough to make a fur coat for a hedgehog! I had been warned that my hair WOULD fall but the sight of handfuls gleefully taking their leave was a little startling. It was confirmation that, having started down this road of chemo, there would be things that would be totally beyond my control. I texted Richard to say " I thought I was ready for hair loss ( ya, in my head at any rate) but looking at my hair on the floor made me cry. Imagine if I wasn't prepared. " Richard's reply at 5:30am- "it's only hair- it'll grow back. I love you"

That dried my tears. And put everything in perspective. "It's only hair-it'll grow back". I stopped thinking about my hair and started thinking about my tummy. I was hungry and there was to be a two hour wait for breakfast. So I decided to write an Ode to my Hair. Did it in 10 minutes and had another 1 hour 50 mins to wait. Ah well.... At least I still felt hunger. And that is a privilege and a blessing when you don't have to worry where your next meal is coming from.


Ode to my hair ( My Way)

O Hair, did you hear that?

The final call for your departure

Don't stay for you must go

The only way, there is no other

And though I'm sad you leave

I'm also pleased you will be back soon

So go, I give you leave

I'll do it my way

Yes there were times I know you felt

That I pulled off more than I thought I held

And through it all when there was doubt

I held on tight and pulled you out

You have to go, O don't say no

Just do it my way

The razor purrs, it's neat and clean

The rest of you just fall out softly

I'll wait and soon I'll see

A new spring birth, of that I'm certain

To think I did all that

And may I say, not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no not me

I did it my way

Original song My Way - Frank Sinatra 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AVOpNR2Pls&sns=em

The Best Things in Life are Free

"The moon belongs to everyone
The best things in life are free
The stars belong to everyone
They're put there for you and me

The flowers in spring
The robins that sing
The sunbeams that shine
They're yours, they're mine

And love can come to everyone
And so it will always be
The best things in life
Are free"

The Best Things in Life are free - Bing Crosby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKYYvJ0cRvc&sns=em

It's a pity that most of us need life ( read: God) to haul us in so that we have no choice  but to stop and realise a few simple truths like everyone can enjoy the moon, stars, sunshine, songs of birds, a gentle breeze and love of family and friends.  A friend of mine started a FB group called Gratitude Girls. I so like the idea. Imagine a group where everyone is committed to appreciating everything ( good and not-too-good) and everyone. Where everyone makes a commitment to be grateful. And that's the operative word- commitment. One DECIDES ( a matter of the head) that one will give thanks, that one will look at half-full glasses and that the complaints will stop. After that, wow, one notices the moon and stars, the clouds that bring refreshing rain, the sunshine that dries the clothes ( a mundane observation I'll admit). 

During the first cycle of chemo I felt that my tongue was coated ( it wasn't but that was the sensation). I thought that if only this sensation would go I'd be happy. Well now in the second cycle I don't have that sensation any more. Am I satisfied? Not exactly. Now I grouse about the fact that the front of my tongue feels "scalded" and that I can't seem to taste anything except at the back of my tongue. I long for rendang and Tom yam soup and other sweet/sour/spicy hot food but after a few mouthfuls I feel let down because everything tastes the same. Colin said to stay away from the good wine and I think he's right cos my taste buds turn wine into water! And , sigh, metallic water at that. 

So the point of today's post is Be Thankful For Your Taste Buds!!! Everyone takes their tastebuds for granted. Stop doing that. Savour what you eat whether it is chicken Corden Bleu or a hamburger, mesclun salad with avocado or sambal kangkong- Savour what you're putting in your mouth. There's a reason we're allowed a lunch HOUR. It's so we can slow down, and chew the cud and appreciate our appetite and our tastebuds. No use having money to buy food that you can't taste. If you find yourself so busy that you have to shovel your food into your mouth, well then you're TOO BUSY! Stop! Slow Down. Before you have to cos the best things in life- including your tastebuds in good working order- are FREE!!!

Zing Boom Tarrarel

"Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun
Roll out the barrel, we've got the blues on the run
Zing  boom tarrarel ring out a song of good cheer
Now it's time to roll the barrel, for the gang's all here"

Beer Barrel Polka - Andrew Sisters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnGEX72AToU&sns=em

I don't drink beer but singing this chorus at the top of one's voice  is one of the best ways of getting rid of the blues, the niggly doubts, the festering worries, the feeling that you're being overwhelmed.

ZING BOOM TERRAREL- Wikipaedia explains this phrase was a source of pride, a way of celebrating something. I love the sound of it- means nothing and everything at the same time.

The Beer Barrel Polka was written in 1927 and a no 1 in The Hit Parade in June 1939. It is said that this song was sung by soldiers, regardless of their allegiances, such, I believe, being the " kicka_ _" power of this song, defiant in the face of odds.

Everyone I've shared news of my treatment with recognises that God, in His mercy, has given me the gift of joy. I am happy, quietly happy, despite the wonky taste buds, the sporadically reduced energy levels, the curtailed activities. I am blessed with loving support of family and friends and the certainty that my Father in Heaven is God Almighty and He is totally in control.

That does not stop the devil from trying ( I'll hand that to him- never seems to give up) to steal my peace. It's songs like these, learnt probably before I learnt to talk, that help me laugh in the face of doubt ( easy when my Daddy's bigger than its daddy) And I'm beginning to think that my generally easy-going nature hides a defiant "up yours" attitude

ZING BOOM TERRAREL - try that when you feel that life has backed you into a corner. I celebrate the fact I'm alive! I am alive! No matter what happens my God promised all things work to the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose.

I don't know the words of the whole song. I can hum it and it warms my heart. My father used to sing this chorus all the time and I learnt it by heart ( or osmosis). Till today it makes my feet tap and my spirit rise cos I've got the blues on the run😉

Now it's time on roll the barrel  Cos the GANG's ALL HERE!

Just you wait and see

" There'll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow just you wait and see
There'll be love and laughter
And peace ever after
Tomorrow when the world is free

The shepherd will tend his sheep
The valley will bloom again
And Jimmy will go to sleep in his own little room again

There'll be blue birds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Just you wait and see

- The White Cliffs of Dover - Vera Lynn  circa 1940

A song of hope when there seemed to be none. The Second World War had just begun and there did not seem to be a way out as war rolled closer and closer to Britain. Yet hope in love and laughter and peace ever after never died. Is this relevant today ? In 2017? To a private battle ? I think so.

The escalation of my cancer categorisation from Stage 1 to Stage 2 caused me to momentarily pause and almost lose my swagger. Reminding myself that it was only from Stage 1 to stage 2 and not Stage 4 to No Hope did not seem to make a dramatic difference. Something whispered " It's just a matter of time you know. You're just fooling yourself"

That ' something' was Despair - the nemesis of Hope. I learnt how insidiously the enemy works. He does not just attack you physically. That's easy-peasy. And with the correct medicine and diet and exercise most people will overcome and recover. Oh no, he attacks deep inside. Just plants doubt. In tiny doses. And like a parasite creeper it spreads and chokes all the upbeat positive thoughts that carry life's blood through the body. The only antidote is the stubborn declaration that there WILL be bluebirds flying again, and the sun WILL rise, and my family WILL be there and my God WILL never forsake me. You declare what you believe will arise after the dust and noise settle.

And that will happen- when, how and in what manner we don't know but it will happen.... Just you wait and see.

Somethin' Tells Me I'm Into Something Good

" Woke up this mornin' feelin' fine
There's something special on my mind
Last night I met a new girl in my neighbourhood whoa yeah
Somethin' tells me I'm into something good "

     I'm Into Something Good - Herman's Hermits

Herman's Hermits were a favourite group but I really woke up this morning feelin' fine. And realised that I met a new girl in the neighbourhood... ME!

And surprise!!  I don't look too bad without hair. So what on earth did I waste ALL that time worrying about how my hair looked? Shouldn't I have worried about how my eyes looked?

I liked actors like Bill Bixby ( Courtship of Eddy's Father and Incredible Hulk) and Robert Conrad (Wild Wild West and Baa Baa Black Sheep) and Robin Williams. They had eyes that twinkled, whatever character they played. Elizabeth Montgomery ( as Samantha Stevens in the TV series Bewitched) and  Karen Grassle ( Caroline Ingalls in " Little House on the Praire")  are my picks for lovely eyes that spoke volumes.

So having decided to get the remainder of my hair shaved I had a pleasant surprise... The hair doesn't make me who I am.

I met a new girl in the neighbourhood. - and Something tells me I'm into something good.

Luke 11:34-35 

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your vision is clear, your whole body also is full of light. But when it is poor, your body is full of darkness. Be careful, then , that the light within you is not darkness

Feelin' Groovy

Slow down you move too fast
You gotta make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobbled stones
Lookin' for fun and feeling groovy

Hello lamppost,
Whatcha know in'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'

Ain't Cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo doo
Feelin' groovy

Got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleepy
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me

Life I love you
All is groovy

Simon & Garfunkel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So0ZrTwf8vl&sns=em



Another of my favourite songs. Hey, you don't have to wait till you're 60 years old to slow down. We're all moving too fast!!

It's Chemo Round 2 Day 3 and I'm feelin' groovy. No nausea. Feelin' groovy. Ok so I don't have the energy to rock'on'roll but I wake in the morning happy. It's Saturday and the family says " Rest mum, relax". I want to but realise like nearly every one else I have woken up for years hitting the ground running. Lazing around is a skill that needs to be re-learned.

Another thing to re-learn is that I don't have to feel guilty about watching flowers grow while there's laundry to be done and floors to be swept. I'm so blessed that my sons have taken over the housework and laundry and sometimes even the cooking and my daughter helps in my shopping.

I feel great and think that I can continue doing everything but perhaps my family see a little beyond me. My husband, if he had his way, would have me do nothing at all but rest😉 He just wants me to be well again. My brother Colin is my pacer in this marathon.

I feel so much love from my family and friends and ya

Life I love you
All is groovy

The Enemy Within

I've been saying to several friends that I feel so good I have to consciously remind myself that there may possibly be " an enemy within"

It's ironic, I think, that the type of cancer I have feeds off estrogen, the hormone that makes a woman of me.  I've said before that I enjoy being a woman. I've never minded having menstruation except when it meant sitting out swimming lessons. I've been blessed with not having to suffer cramps or bloating. So now that I have menopaused it seems my body decided to plan a coup. Rogue cells seek out and apparently devour with consummate glee the estrogen hormones that are just doing their bounden duty.

What is it that has caused part of me to rebel against the rest of me? I am attacked not by some random airborne virus, nor by bacteria introduced by neglect of an open wound however innocuous nor yet by the failure of an organ through unwise dietary habits. I am attacked by ME!! The very essence of what makes me Me!

That is most annoying. I have been blessed with good health and have taken the trouble to (mostly) eat wisely and with restraint and to exercise ( not as much as I would have liked, it's true but I'm not a couch potato). To find that the devil has to resort to inciting rebellion is both exasperating and yet amusing.

I've said before that I think cancer is like a terrorist and that's a good description. They used to be called "guerrillas" or "insurgents" or just plain "rebels" but those terms referred to people who fought for (their idea of) freedom or a better, more just society. They had a cause and undeclared terms of engagement. They appeared ruthless then but a certain code of honour however rough was evident.

Terrorists don't have a code of honour. Everyone and everything is fair game. Purpose? To bring life as we know it to a standstill. To use fear and intimidation to cause a change of lifestyle. To cause confusion and distraction so that goals and targets are missed and eventually lives destroyed not just through the destruction of the body but of hope and joy and peace.

Well I've got news for you cancer... It ain't gonna work on me!
( why does that John Wayne type of response sound more effective than a cool James Bond eyebrow twitch?) maybe cos it can be uttered with a swagger and that's how I feel right now... Like swaggering .

Let me be clear on this. I do not fear cancer nor do I fear the devil but I do respect their craftiness cos they've been around a lot longer than I have. So having fastened ( properly, I hope) the full Armour of God I go into battle fully expecting victory because the battle belongs to the Lord. I have to be wise and stay out of the crossfire.

When Tomorrow Comes Tomorrow

When tomorrow comes tomorrow
And today is yesterday
And this hour is just a place in history

When goodnight becomes good morning
There'll be such a lot to say
So when tomorrow comes tomorrow
Come to me

                         The Family Dogg.    1969

it's a sweetly haunting melody. Before cassettes, walkman and iPods you needed to try to memorise the words of any song you liked when it aired on radio. This meant that you didn't always memorise the whole song- only the parts that made an impression.

I didn't think too much about " tomorrow" or " history" when I was 13 years old but this song has re-surfaced in my memory in the last month. I wonder if, as one passes the 60 year milestone, one pays more attention to the present, the immediate. It's useless to try to hold on to moments- they are fleeting. I'm learning to enjoy moments... Not great chunks of time like a week or a day or even an hour but moments. I've given up trying to capture moments. Every moment IS a Kodak moment, worthy of being archived, depending on our perspective. And I've learnt that I can make my Kodak moments. I just remember (and sometimes remembering this takes an effort) that a sovereign almighty and totally loving God has already planned every moment of my life. So I pay attention to moments. I pay attention to nuances and glances and sighs and smiles and chuckles. I archive them so I can re-live them and savour the sweetness again.

I am also relearning to deliberately S L O W down. Wanna join me? Don't wait for a health issue to force you to do this. Have a great SLOW day ahead😋

Yummy yummy yummy

One of my teachers in the old Town Convent (Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus, Victoria Street) once said that during the War her family ate sweet potatoes all the time so she absolutely refused to eat that once the war was over and alternatives became available.

On the other hand, both Dad and Mum loved sweet potatoes BECAUSE that was all they had to eat. Totally opposite perspectives.

Since suspecting that there might be a problem when I received a letter from SingHealth in late May 2017 asking me to go for a repeat mammogram and " further investigations", I tweaked my diet. I stopped sugar-as far as I could that is- and increased my fruit and vegetable intake. Having sort-of been on a Paleo diet since 1 Jan 2016, the transition wasn't too difficult.

On 21 June 2017 I was told that the tests had uncovered 2 lumps that were malignant. I decided to tweak my diet one notch up. I decided to start on supplements for the sole purpose of building my strength and immunity in case chemotherapy was necessary. On that day the surgeon told me that my cancer was just at Stage 1 and they hoped that surgery would remove all delinquent cells. Thereafter I would be given " hormone blockers" as the cancer was feeding off oestrogen hormones so that source of " food" had to be denied.

After the mastectomy on 28 June 2017 I was told that one of four sentinel lymph noes was affected to they did an auxiliary removal of all twenty-two lymph nodes in right armpit. These lymph nodes were sent for testing and praise the Lord only one of twenty-two were found to have been affected. This was enough for the re-classification to Stage 2. Praise the Lord again as scans on bones, abdomen, kidneys and liver all clear. There was a shadow in the left lung but Dr Tina Koh ( NCCS) said it was too small and translucent even to do a biopsy so they scheduled another scan on 19 Dec 2017. We'll see if it develops or disappears.

Now, back to the issue of food. I know that battle belongs to the Lord. I have no doubts about that at all. I felt as Bilbo might have felt in the battle of the Five Armies - too small to make an impact when the Almighty was waging battle on my behalf. So I decided that my part in the battle was to build my strength up.

I was a little apprehensive at first but, hey do I want to live? Answer's Yes of Course so I eat all that is ( reasonably) needed to enable me to optimise my health so I can have the benefits of chemo with none ( or at least minimal) side effects. More vegetables, more fruits, no sugar and minimal carbohydrates. No more of my favourite custard puffs or brownies or sugee cake. More broccoli and sprouts and spinach. It's all a matter of perspective!

Another post will list what I have been guided, after prayer, to take.

God bless you all.

Beginnings

This weekend we are in Jakarta. Richard presided over the Holy Matrimony of Jushan Djuwardi and Friyana Wati Ong.

As usual my eyes glistened as I heard them say their vows in Indonesian for heir families to understand and in English for Richard to understand 😉. Weddings are filled with hope and dreams- a new life together with someone else. The songs they chose were beautiful proclaiming their belief that there us nothing impossible for God as the Spirit of God works in our midst. They ended the service thanking God for His grace without which we would not live- simple, beautiful and touching.

Those songs spoke differently to me. I am not standing poised at the beginning of a new covenant, a new family.

I'm poised at the beginning of a journey into a slightly more scary unknown where my dream is not to waste my cancer as Ps John Piper advises.

I face a hardened, relentless enemy who wages guerrilla warfare, turning my own cells against me. I'm essentially fighting myself. Some part of me has to die for the rest of me to live. ( heh - that'll make a great sermon☺️)

I am fearfully and wonderfully made says the bible.  And so I am. I am amazed at how fast the body recovered from surgery. The surgeons removed the lymph nodes on the right side. Their job was to help drain fluid and since their removal it seems that the remaining nodes have not yet stepped up to the plate and divided the extra workload. It's rather like a corporation where four key staff are retrenched. HR does not  hire replacements so their colleagues have to buckle down and work harder to clear the backlog. Same with the seroma ( post- surgery fluid accumulation)

Discernment and wisdom are desperately needed here. Which route do I take on this new leg of my journey? Chemo, radiation and hormone blockers OR Garden of Eden living?

More after we discuss radiotherapy tomorrow

God is in Control!!!

I''M STRICTLY A FEMALE FEMALE

I just love this song. From the time I heard it as a child I've loved it. I've sung it countless times especially the chorus

I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
Who enjoys being a guy having a girl like me**


I'm unashamedly a woman. Wouldn't trade it for anything. I don't intend offending anyone with that statement so please don't be offended if you are part of the LGBTQ community.

I have decided not to have a reconstruction. I am 60 years old and am super confident about my womanhood. I'm strictly a female female and nothing's going to change that!

I am so touched by my husband's reaction when I asked his opinion about whether I should have the reconstruction done. He said he'd leave it to me to decide and that for him it was important that I be well. He added that he just looks into my eyes. That was the sweetest lie ever haha. I love him more each day.

Breasts or no breasts I can still look FAB ( just gotta work on getting rid of the L in FLAB ) and that's exactly what I plan to do.



** the song was initially sung by Nancy Kwan in the movie " The Flower Drum Song"

Think about death

yes, as soon as we wake up we should think about death. Not other people's death. Not about the actual dying. I'm not morbid!! I'm just being practical. After all as soon as a baby is born he/she immediately starts a personal journey towards death.

Most Christians I know do give death a fleeting thought as soon as they wake. " o thank You Lord for another day" they may pray. I do too and there's nothing wrong with that. What I mean is we should pause EVEN BEFORE WE START and think seriously " and if today is my last day what then?" Would that " teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom?" Would that help us to empty our hearts of all the petty little pebbles of pride, impatience, judgements etc?

I'll let you know how this works for me in a month or so. I'm deliberately thinking of death every morning. Thus far it's been with regret over all the things I could've, should've done but didn't. Doesn't really matter what reason, what excuse I have lined up. Fact is I didn't.

I'm also sorry to say I've been thinking of what loss to all my family and friends it would be were I to take that step across the Jordan into the Promised Land. Haha... Seems the first thing I need to change is the thought that I'm the centre of the universe.😝

Moses asks God to " teach us to number our days so we may gain a heart of wisdom" ? I've started numbering my days. Then I asked God for a heart of wisdom. This is where He led me to today

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-if-you-had-one-week-to-live

Jon Bloom's article opened my eyes. Especially this part

The Heart of Wisdom

What exactly is wisdom? God tells us through Job: “the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom” (Job 28:28). 

And what exactly is the fear of the Lord? God tells us through Solomon: “The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil” (Proverbs 8:13). 

And what is evil? God tells us through the author of Hebrews: “an unbelieving heart” (Hebrews 3:12). At root, all moral evil is unbelief in God and any action that results from it, for “whatever does not proceed from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23).

So then, a heart of wisdom fears the Lord to such a degree that it refuses to exchange the truth about God for a lie (Romans 1:25). A heart of wisdom trusts God’s promises and his wise governance over all of life, and does not trust its limited, fickle perceptions, nor shiny, empty worldly deceptions. 

A heart of wisdom fears losing the joy-producing treasure of God himself so much, it sees unbelief as a thief who only steals, kills, and destroys life.

Looks like a lot of soul-searching is coming up. 

If I should ever walk in the Valley of Darkness

every girl in CHIJ Victoria Street in the 1970s will remember this hymn. Based on Ps 23 we sang it at Assembly at least once a week. It was just a song to me until Dr Benita Tan told me after surgery on 28 June 2017 that as they did the mastectomy on my right breast the preliminary tests on the lymph nodes indicated that they too were cancerous and 22 lymph nodes were removed in the same surgery.. I was told of this possibility and accepted it in my head as being just that - a possibility.

Well, head knowledge of the possibility of a spread and having the realisation that 22 nodes were removed because 3 were infected are two entirely different things. Dr Benita was calm and matter-of-fact and that helped. But as soon as she left my bed I felt tears start in my eyes. Richard was there with me, holding my hand. He saw the flash of fear. He squeezed my hand and said quietly," Remember? God is in control."

The Holy Spirit brought to mind this song and at once my heart was at rest. This was the chorus

If I should ever walk in the valley of darkness
No evil would I fear, You are there to show the way
If I should ever walk in the valley of darkness
Your crook and Your staff, they will lead me to the Day

I wanted to be honest and open with the family about my fears and how God helps me through. All 5 boys came to visit. (Maria Rocky n Gwen were in Paris as Maria had to present at a conference. She suggested twice that she cancel the trip but I saw no reason to allow cancer to disrupt our lives so told her to please go ahead which she did reluctantly)


 I was puking / retching through the half hour they were there but it so helped me to hear them joke and laugh and I managed to laugh too. Almost as soon as they left I fell asleep with Nat still by my bedside. When the nurse woke me at 2am all nausea and lightheadedness had totally left. Absolutely no pain

At 2am I sent a message to the family telling them that there was no more nausea and no pain and added this

When i heard the cancer had gotten into the lymph nodes I was a little bit scared at first but papa reminded me that God is in control. And so He is. He directed early detection of this. So am at peace again .


And I was. No evil would I fear

Still I Rise

nat sent me this beautiful poem. Maya and I face different enemies. But with the same singleminded approach. And if any one is offended cos I refuse to worry and choose instead to look good, laugh and dance... Weeeell... Tough. The JOY of the Lord is my strength and my God is in control- sovereign and almighty!! Praise His Holy Name!

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies.
You may trod me down in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and just like suns
With the certainty of tides
Just like hopes springing high
Still I'll rise

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
You may kill me with your hatefulness
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame. I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain  I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave
I am the dream and the hope of the slave  I rise  I rise  I rise

Facing the giant

sent this to the family group

Somehow hearing Dr Benita's calm answers and explanations I realised that cancer isn't a giant. It's not the"Big C" to be spoken of in hushed tones or not even mentioned at all rather like Voldermort.

Cancer was reduced to manageable levels by science but I have back- up. Where science might sometimes fail, my God is still in control

Hi guys

Already saw the surgeon Dr Benita  Tan. Left breast biopsy done on friday- prelim results show lump is benign. Still testing tho. Final result on 28 june

Surgery fixed on 28 june. Dont know time yet. Will stay the night n be discharged around 7 am on 29 June if all ok.

Surgeon's briefing very clear. Answered most of my questions before i even asked them.

Right breast will be completely removed. I have decided no reconstruction. Will use temp padding and a prothesis later when completely healed.

Scar will be a neat line with internal stitches that won't need to be removed.

Will have a tube and little bottle for 7-14 days to drain excess fluid. Will be able to go to jkt 14-16 july. Will be able to resume normal activities upon discharge after surgery.

No restriction on food but shld hv more fruits n veg n rest n exercise ( except swimming until i get suitable swimsuit🤓)

Nat stayed with us thru the morning.  Came back at 2pm for blood tests xray at 2pm n anaesthetist at 4pm- praise the Llord for that. Now we go in peace to Penang.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Love you all

God Bless you

How do I tell them?

richard n I talked about the diagnosis first. We digested the news and prayed . I decided to tell the children by using WhatsApp so they'd all hear about it at the same time. I thought about what to say and it flowed. I wanted the family to know that I believe totally in the God I worship... He is sovereign

My message to the family

1. Both the biopsies indicate presence of cancerous cells

2. It appears to be in the early stages

3. The treatment suggested is complete masectomy because of the sites of the 2 lumps being deep in the breast rather than near the surface

- the location of the lumps makes it difficult for breast conservation
- it is considered as multicentric i.e. More than one lump of the same cancer

4. At this point there is no indication that cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in the right armpit nor to anywhere else in the right breast

5. At this point there is no indication that there is any thing to be concerned about in left breast.

6. If masectomy is done there are 3 choices:

a. Leave the site flat
b. Reconstruct immediately
c. Reconstruct at a later date

7. If reconstruction is chosen this can be
a. Artificial ie with implant
b using my own skin n tissue

8. Both these have their own challenges


My response
A. God is in control. That doesnt mean I am in denial nor that I have presumptive faith. It means I will not walk in fear.

B. I will begin sunchorella tmr fully aware it's not a miracle supplement😊 will add some other supplements and tweak my diet. That and prayers are my part

C. I am not panicked nor fearful as i truly believe God is in control. It may be harder for you all but take the cue from me. I will let you know should i be afraid any time in the future🙂

D. Please tell your respective partners n I ask your prayers BUT do not tell anyone else for the time being. I want time with papa n you all.

E. I understand that if i dont want reconstruction, the surgery/recovery will take a day,possibly overnight stay. If i do decide on reconstruction it will be more like 10 day recovery. Papa has left that decision to me and, right now, I'm not really interested in reconstruction.

F. I feel and I am exactly the same- more thankful to God for prompting me to get the screening, which i hadnt done in years, so this could be stopped early.

G. Cancer is a terrorist attack- meant to intimidate us into changing lifestyle in fear. I dont intend to be intimidated. There may be some lifestyle ( read: diet n exercise) changes but nothing else. Penang is a go!!!!

Love you all so much n once again God is in control

God Bless you alL

Second Opinions

when you're told you have cancer should you get a second opinion?

I won't. I asked God to give me the best team and I'm sure He will I have full confidence in the team He has decided on and I know He is in control.

Here's an update on 17 Sept 2017 : I'm still not thinking of getting second opinions. He has given me the best team and I'll flow with that.

My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So there cancer!!!😝

On with the show this is it

I hope no-one thinks I'm flippant and gets offended. There's surgery planned for tomorrow morning.but I'm not scared. I believe God, in His love, has prepared me . I received a call asking me to report at 7 am instead of at noon. I'm glad. Better than waiting.

Thinking now of all the things I meant to do but didn't. Thinking of this afternoon when Karen and I agreed co-author a book after the operation I think God wants me to use the time which He's going to give me.

Step by Step 2

Ok... so I did say " 'nuff said' in the last post. And it was... at that moment. But I'm a lawyer and lawyers take notes ( most of the time anyway)

And this will remind and strengthen me always that He leads ( present tense) me

7 June - the day I went to National Cancer Centre Singapore ( NCSS) for the follow-up mammogram after the breast screening. Had a biopsy on 2 suspicious lumps in right breast.

Ps 90:2,4
Before the mountains were brought forth, Or ever You had formed the earth and the world, Even from everlasting to everlasting You are God. For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past, And like a watch in the night.


16 June 2017 - I received a call asking me to go in early on the morning of Monday 19 June for a biopsy on the left breast (just to be sure )

At 10:22 pm I received this on one of the group chats

Luke 1:37
For with God nothing shall be impossible

17/18 June woke at 01:50 bright - eyed and bushy tailed. While I fully accepted that God is sovereign  and that no evil will have effect on me unless He allows it, I wondered that night about the possibility of curses given the many unusual " mishaps" that happened since Oct 2 2016 ( that's another story altogether ) Sat up with the bible on my lap and it fell open at Jer 15:21
I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked
And I will redeem from the handgrip of the terrible

God answered my question immediately and I fell asleep very soon after that, no more questions😀


19 June
Went for the biopsy and was told that they hoped to get some result by 21 June which was the date of my appointment at NCSS

That night my eyes fell on
Jer 33:6
Behold, I will bring health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.

20 June
As much as I thought that I was calm and trusting, I think God knew I needed a little reminder before seeing the doctors

Zech 4:6
Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord of Hosts

21 June
Saw the Doctors. Lumps are malignant and mastectomy is needed. We planned to go to Penang 22-25 June and I didn't want to cancel it. Surgery fixed for 28 June. Preliminary results indicate lumps in left breast are benign though full results will be available 28 June. Then I would know if it will be a single or double mastectomy.

Even before the devil could begin trying to intimidate me the Holy Spirit reminded me of His promise of protection when we abide in His Presence.

Ps91:1
[Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God] He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall

abide under the shadow of the Almighty

Thank God for His reminder of what things in life are important - His Presence and our family. Penang is a go... Cancer is not going to change our lives!!! Glory to God alone!
22 June
Yaaaay Richard and Ian and I are off to Penang and David joins us tomorrow. And this was God's wonderful reassurance

Ps 121:7-8
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore

Step by Step 1

Step by Step You'll lead me and I will follow You all of my days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2KOCgC8DnU&sns=em
Rich Mullins- Step By Step

'nuff said

Should I feel afraid?

I always imagined that if one were told that one had cancer one would be in shock, have hysterics or spiral downwards into deep depression. That hasn't happened to me and I don't think it's likely that it will. So, should I be concerned that that I'm not concerned?

Feeling my way

I told the Registrar Dr Thung and surgeon Dr Benita Tan on 7 June 2017 that I am not the hysterical type... and I'm not. In fact my Husband Richard says that I'm "so cool". Not really.  I already sensed something even though there were no physical signs so I had time to prepare myself. And besides I truly believe God is in control. And if I believe that, I also therefore have to believe that this is part of His perfect plan for me. And remind myself that His understanding of "healing" may not be on all fours with my understanding. Yet it will be good. I know it😀

More tomorrow . Good night all. God bless you 🙂

The factual background

I decided to start this blog to document my journey through what may be thought to be " the valley of the shadow of death"

I went for a regular breast screening on 11 May 2017 because I had a feeling I should ( oh and also because I didn't have one for close on eight years I think). Not that I was feeling unwell or anything. Not even because I felt a lump in my breast. Just because I had a feeling I should.

Then I received a letter dated 25 May 2017 from the National Cancer Centre Singapore ( NCSS) asking me to make an appointment for further investigations as the mammogram " revealed some changes" that warranted these " further investigations". So I dutifully complied and was given an appointment on 7 June 2017. After a mammogram and ultrasound were done I was told that a biopsy was needed and thta was done in the afternoon of the same day. I was told that the mammogram done on 11 May 2017 showed a mass fairly deep in the centre of the right breast and the ultrasound that morning showed another mass looking rather like a lake nearer the surface. They explained that they'll do biopsies on both. Appt fixed on Wed 21 June for outcome.

On Sat 17 June the NCSS called to ask me to go on Monday 19 June at 8 am for biopsies on left breast just to be on the safe side.