My Aunty Carmen passed away early April 2017. She was my father's elder sister and my mother's dear friend. She was "Nan" who opened her heart to our children as if they were her grandchildren ( she had 16 of her own AND 14 great grand children). After my mum passed away she took mum’s place in my life even though I saw her only once or twice a year.
We honoured her life on a beautiful sunny cloudless Sunday, facing the ocean she loved. We gathered there, her 5 children and their spouses, some grandchildren, 2 great grandchildren and us- nephew, niece n nephew-in-law. We spoke of her and swapped memories but it's not possible, in four or five hours, to speak of a life that was lived to the fullest for 93 years.
Aunty Carmen was an amazing woman who defeated cancer more than once. Fiercely independent, she lived on her own after Uncle Sandy passed away in the 1990s, until she went into hospital 2 weeks ago. How she loved her family yet wisely, lovingly, gave them their space, not imposing upon them yet always ready to agree to their plans and invitations.
I loved hearing her laugh- genuine and always full of delight. I loved her childlike (NOT 'childish') appreciation of and thankfulness for the tiniest blessing . Abseiling in her 70s and hot-air ballooning in her 80s, she travelled again from Perth WA to Singapore in her 90s surprising her daughters with her unstoppable energy. That's just who she was - always positive, always forward-looking.
I think the devil tried one last time to break her spirit, giving her so much pain suddenly in the last 2 weeks. All it did instead was to give her the chance to show once more her strength and fortitude. She didn't fear death. She made her decisions about what to come and conveyed this to all her children. Painful? It must have been painful for her children but I believe she did that with wisdom and definitely out her love for them, seeking to free them from uncertainty and giving them space to unite to grieve, yes when the time came, and then to celebrate her life, her love and her legacy.
I couldn't understand at first why it was hard to write a " goodbye" post for Aunty Carmen on Facebook. Now I know- it's because it wasn’t "goodbye". ... . she lives on in our hearts and lives.
I asked her once how she kept her cheerfulness and equanimity. She said, " If I can't do anything about it, I just don't let it bother me, see?" She just “Let It Be” and, I imagine, held to her God-given peace.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Yes Aunty Carmen, I see. And yes, I'll do that too.
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