I must have done something good

" nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something,
Something good"

Something Good - Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music 1965

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d9AH_mXvCQ&sns=em

A beautiful song. Sister Maria thought that the reward of being loved was because of a moment of truth in her past. She was right that nothing comes from nothing. All that is good comes from God.

Especially since June 2017 when the doctors confirmed the presence of cancerous cells in my body I have woken up every morning even more thankful for the blessings of life and family.

Today as my three year old grand-daughter lay fast asleep next to me I savoured my private Kodak moment. I remembered the same so-special feeling lying next to all my 6 children in their first 3 years. For a number of years ( nearly 6 years) there was usually one asleep on either side of me (usually the younger ones as the elder ones "graduated" away from mummy). That meant that on some level of consciousness I was aware of them so slept as motionlessly as was possible enjoying the sensation of little warm bodies snugly asleep next to me.

Nothing describes accurately the sense of peace and thankfulness and wonder I have now, for who am I to be blessed to be mother/grandmother? Was it because I did "something good" in my youth? Nope. Not at all. This privilege, and that's exactly what it is, a privilege, is because of God's mercy. I did nothing to deserve this and it is this realisation that not just humbles me but prompts me to be conciously thankful. I suspect that all my life I have been vaguely aware that I ought to be thankful and not grumble etc . I wish I had been more intentional about it.

Cancer has done me the greatest favour. It has stopped me in my tracks so that I deliberately count my blessings. My husband has occasionally in the past been impatient with what he considered to be my tendency to unrealistically look always on the bright side. I understand now that that is a gift from God. He has given me a gift to be upbeat, positive and yes, happy even if that is sometimes buried under my impatience or exasperation.

In an earlier post I wondered if I should be concerned that I was not concerned. I realise now it is not that I was not concerned but that I had no cause to be concerned. You see, if I believe God is in control then being concerned is futile. I channelled my energies intentionally to enjoying every moment He chose to give me.

Regrets? Yes as the song goes " I had a few" . Mainly the fact I let the children's growing up years flash by without savouring moments because  I was too " busy" with work and business and housework and ministry. Took me a while to understand that we are supposed to be human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

Lesson learnt. He has blessed me out of His infinite mercy not because I did anything good but because He is good. All He wants me to do is enjoy that blessing. And I will. I am happy😀all glory to God.

Psalm 121:8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
                     From this time forth and even forevermore