United We Stand

"There's no-where in the world that I would rather be than with you my love
And there's no-one in the world that I would rather see than your smile my love

For United we stand, Divided we fall
And if our backs should ever be against the wall
We'll be together, together you and I

If the world around you falls apart my love
Then I'll still be here,
And if the going gets too hard just you call, I'll hear

United We Stand - Brotherhood of Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZB96cvBjy8&sns=em

Family- united we stand, physically, emotionally, spiritually. United in the Lord and no weapons formed against any of us shall prosper. Thank-you Lord for your perfect plan and protection for each of us. To God be the glory.

We will, we will rock you/ We are the Champions

"We will, we will rock you
We will we will rock you"

We will rock you - Queen - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk&sns=em

"what a noisy silly song" I thought when I heard it but the stomping beat was mesmerising. I didn't bother with the lyrics but this recurring phrase stuck in my head. Some days ago I was trying to explain to a young friend about the estrogen- hungry cancer that the doctors found in me. I suggested she imagine the cancer cells gobbling estrogen hormones then linking arms and advancing menacingly towards the innocent cells chanting " We will, we will ROCK YOU"

If not for the early detection and treatment they may well have rocked a lot more innocent cells. But God led me to have a mammogram and as I said in earlier posts I believe my God is in control and the battle belongs to Him. I am in the delightfully glorious position of standing with my good cells, arms linked and chanting ,on my part, another song from Queen

We are the Champions, my Friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the Champions
We are the Champions
No time for losers
'Cos we are the champions, of the World.

We are the Champions - Queen- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY&sns=em

It's not plain sailing. We have to fight. Till the end. We have to fight intimidation, doubt, despair, anger, self-pity, guilt and condemnation. We have to fight physically, emotionally, mentally an enemy that has no mercy and gives no quarter. We have to decide to be strong and courageous and meditate on His law day and night. But we fight knowing our God does not sleep nor slumber. That He promised He will never leave or forsake us. That by the stripes of Jesus we ARE healed. That's a promise made by a God who is not a man that He should lie. 

I write as a Christian ( one who believes in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and am so blessed that through this journey the joy of the Lord, that itself a gift from God, has been my strength. Since I learned of my diagnosis I declared several times a day
1 I am fearfully and wonderfully made
2 My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
3 By the stripes of the Lord Jesus I AM healed. 
Then I thanked the Lord for blessings as mundane as having running water and toilets that flush☺️ To my family and friends and for His mercy. 
Today is Chemo Round 3 Day 2. I feel as I did before the chemotherapy began. That's my God's mercy- totally undeserved and not "worked for" by me. It's the grace of an infinite ever living, ever loving God.

This works for me and can for you. And if anyone reading this has questions I'll answer them the best I can. 

God is my Healer. All glory to God.

Today Is my moment and now is my story

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joys that are mine- Today

I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table
I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what tomorrow shall bring

Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine -Today

I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises from winter to spring
Today is my moment and now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine -Today

Today-John Denver https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBGjZAYcJqc&sns=em

We were 13 year old cadets of the National Cadet Corps in our school the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus in (at that time) Victoria Street. Our platoon had left the training grounds to go back to camp and only 4 of us remained behind to do a final check before leaving. An army driver returned for us in what was probably an Austin Countryman. We piled into the back with our backpacks ( called knapsacks then) and a guitar. I remember the 4 of us, Julie Sim, Janice Pais, Josephine Seow and me, singing this song quietly in harmony during the short ride to the camp-site. I remember the driver turning around in surprise. He said ." Oh you all singing-ah (sic) I thought from radio. Wah very nice"
That was such a nice compliment.

Today I sit waiting to be called in for Round 3 of the chemotherapy. I am grateful for the last five days when I felt and functioned at pre-chemo levels particularly of energy, appetite and taste. In fact, over the last 3 weeks, I lost only 200 gm! God has been merciful to me and I ask His blessing on family and friends who have continually touched base with me to encourage and pray for me.
There have been ups and downs particularly in the last 30 years. Sometimes it seemed that each "down" was deeper, darker and longer than the previous. Yet the "ups" were definitely higher, brighter and more promising than the last. I can cite the weddings, graduations, birth of the first grand-child as high points but little things every day were also high points.

Today is my moment. I am alive and well. I am well. I need to go through this process. I can walk through it purposefully, I can drag my feet resentfully, I can stagger under the weight of fear, I can march in defiance. I choose to dance and laugh and cry and sing. Because TODAY is my moment

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink

"Water water everywhere 
And all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere 
And not a drop to drink"

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner- Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1798

These are but four lines of one of the longest poems written. Spoken by the protagonist, it encapsulates the despair of sailors drifting on the ocean surrounded by water yet without any water to drink.

These words came to mind several times in the last six weeks. I have always gulped rather than sipped water. I could drink 500 ml of water without a pause if I was really thirsty. I learned to appreciate cool water when as a teenager I trained as a race walker with my father and, in those "olden" days, the prevailing wisdom was that one didn't drink while training in order to avoid "stitches" in one's side. My father also discouraged drinking water until half an hour after training ended. So you can imagine the eagerness with which I drank water once the time limit was reached. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be shipwrecked or in a desert without water.

On the first day of the chemotherapy I did not ration my water intake, as a result of which I threw up all the anti-nausea medication I had been given.  That was unfortunate as I had to endure discomfort until the next time the medication was due. I began to ration my fluid intake and took my supplements and medications one tablet/capsule at a time ( instead of 5-7 in a mouthful). In the second round of chemo I was given a week's supply of antibiotics ( 3 capsules every 6 hours) this was the most difficult course of medication I have ever had to take. When I tried swallowing all 3 at a go they seemed to get stuck just south of my collarbone and the pain was physical pain. It was as if the 3 capsules and the water that was carrying them down met a huge burp on its way up and neither would give way. I had to rub my chest in a totally vain attempt to ease the discomfort... That just gave me something to do as the pain remained for at least 15 minutes.  Eventually I took one capsule every 15 minutes with just enough water to send it on its way. Surrounded by water yet having to take only a sip at a time- how sad, how maddening, how frightening.

Imagine the delight, the relief, the glee when I discovered this morning that I could down a whole mug full of cool water at one go. I imagined and actually savoured the physical sensation of the cool water tumbling , rushing, leaping like rapids through a gorge down to the very middle of me. I downed a second mugful just to celebrate. I repeated this TwoMug dosage every hour for no other reason than " Because I Can".

Like my tastebuds ( oh yes, they've all returned from their holiday and chicken tastes like chicken and water no longer like metallic water) that I now consciously appreciate, I add " drinking water without imposed limits" to a growing list of things that I will no longer take for granted.

Tomorrow I go for the blood test that needs to be done before I see Dr Beh, the medical oncologist, who will decide if Round 3 of the chemo is a go on Thursday 5 Oct 2017

I'll just go drink more water - it's worth waking up in the middle of the night for a pit stop😇

I must have done something good

" nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something,
Something good"

Something Good - Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music 1965

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d9AH_mXvCQ&sns=em

A beautiful song. Sister Maria thought that the reward of being loved was because of a moment of truth in her past. She was right that nothing comes from nothing. All that is good comes from God.

Especially since June 2017 when the doctors confirmed the presence of cancerous cells in my body I have woken up every morning even more thankful for the blessings of life and family.

Today as my three year old grand-daughter lay fast asleep next to me I savoured my private Kodak moment. I remembered the same so-special feeling lying next to all my 6 children in their first 3 years. For a number of years ( nearly 6 years) there was usually one asleep on either side of me (usually the younger ones as the elder ones "graduated" away from mummy). That meant that on some level of consciousness I was aware of them so slept as motionlessly as was possible enjoying the sensation of little warm bodies snugly asleep next to me.

Nothing describes accurately the sense of peace and thankfulness and wonder I have now, for who am I to be blessed to be mother/grandmother? Was it because I did "something good" in my youth? Nope. Not at all. This privilege, and that's exactly what it is, a privilege, is because of God's mercy. I did nothing to deserve this and it is this realisation that not just humbles me but prompts me to be conciously thankful. I suspect that all my life I have been vaguely aware that I ought to be thankful and not grumble etc . I wish I had been more intentional about it.

Cancer has done me the greatest favour. It has stopped me in my tracks so that I deliberately count my blessings. My husband has occasionally in the past been impatient with what he considered to be my tendency to unrealistically look always on the bright side. I understand now that that is a gift from God. He has given me a gift to be upbeat, positive and yes, happy even if that is sometimes buried under my impatience or exasperation.

In an earlier post I wondered if I should be concerned that I was not concerned. I realise now it is not that I was not concerned but that I had no cause to be concerned. You see, if I believe God is in control then being concerned is futile. I channelled my energies intentionally to enjoying every moment He chose to give me.

Regrets? Yes as the song goes " I had a few" . Mainly the fact I let the children's growing up years flash by without savouring moments because  I was too " busy" with work and business and housework and ministry. Took me a while to understand that we are supposed to be human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

Lesson learnt. He has blessed me out of His infinite mercy not because I did anything good but because He is good. All He wants me to do is enjoy that blessing. And I will. I am happy😀all glory to God.

Psalm 121:8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
                     From this time forth and even forevermore